Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began, and which now has been manifested through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that day what has been entrusted to me.
My Personal Testimony of receiving Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. The best decision I have ever made in my life.
I received Christ in my Heart at the age of eighteen. I did everything in Church that I thought I was supposed to do, but in all honesty, I allowed myself to stray away, off and on from God for many years.
Struggling with such deep shame, regret, and remorse will get the best of you if you allow it. I felt unworthy of God’s love and didn’t think it would be possible to have a relationship with him again.
In sharing My Testimony, my Prayer is that it can help someone else not make the same mistakes that I have made
I got married at almost Nineteen, not long after this, is when my Life went on a downward spiral.
Meeting my first husband in Church I knew he had to be a good person.
At the time, I thought he was a Godly man, whom the Lord has chosen, to be my life partner.
About eight months after we were dating, he asked me to marry him, and of course, I said Yes.
My mother came to me afterward and warned me, the Lord had shown her the hardship I would face if I did so.
Needless to Say, I didn’t listen
As loving as my Mother was, she told me if I went thru with it, she couldn’t be there and partake in any part of my Life.
At my wedding, my Immediate family didn’t come, and I was so heartbroken and confused, which led to many years of not having a relationship with them.
My marriage started off well, but it didn’t take long for everything to change.
I was pregnant with our first child, the first time he got physical with me.
To say I was floored is putting it mildly
The man whom I thought was a Godly man, was far from what I thought he was. I suffered almost fifteen years of Physical, Emotional, and Verbal Abuse and more that I simply can’t voice.
Finding yourself angry with God is not the best place to find yourself in. I blamed him for anything and everything wrong, that took place for allowing my life to end up this way.
At my lowest point, when the pain got too much for me to bear, I thought I would be better off dead than to keep living in fear and isolation.
I attempted suicide by taking many pills
At the time, I wasn’t concerned about my consequences, or my children and family I would be leaving behind.
What I wanted to Stop:
Anytime I mentioned wanting to see my family, it ended up a big fight and accusations, so I got to where I quit trying.
I honestly thought, at the time, this was how marriage was supposed to be
Once I finally got the courage to leave the situation I was in I realized just how unhealthy and dangerous it had been for me.
Working at CommScope gave me the opportunity to stand on my own two feet. I met Mike Cleary a few years later.
Mike is the Sweetest man I’ve ever met
We started dating and he showed me how a real relationship is supposed to be like.
We ended up getting married in 2003 and I was so happy, but at the same time, I still had such an emptiness in my Heart.
I knew what I was longing for, and what was missing, so I started suggesting for us to find a church, and visited some in our area, but didn’t find one we both liked.
I suppose we just used that as a crutch and excuse not to go
My daughter Becky had our first Grandchild, Tyler, and we were so thrilled to become Grandparents.
We had already gone to Ky to visit him twice and went for another visit when he was 4 1/2 months old.
This visit was much different. My heart was heavy and burdened leaving Tyler. The whole visit felt “Off!”
I couldn’t understand why
I can remember crying as we were leaving, and not wanting to hand him back over to my daughter.
She said to me, my goodness Mom it’s not like you’re never gonna see him again.
Little did she know at the time, it was my last time seeing him.
When we returned home after four days we got a call that Tyler passed away from SIDS.
I was so devastated
To say I was angry at God is putting it mildly. I said I want NOTHING to do with you. I’m very ashamed to admit that now.
After a while, Mike and I tried once again, to visit some Churches in our area.
Mike wasn’t a Christian at the time, and he was raised Catholic, and our upbringings couldn’t have been more different.
I was driving one day and was led to Harvest Bible Chapel and we attended a service.
It was an experience unlike no other
After a couple of months attending, Mike was Saved but I was still struggling with feelings of:
Shame: For all of the mistakes I’ve made over the years and I couldn’t let them go.
Regret: I blamed myself for the situations I allowed to take place in my life.
Broken Oath: I took a sacred vow before God in my first marriage and I didn’t believe in divorce, so when I broke his most sacred vow I thought there was no way for me to have a relationship with God again.
So I still ran from God!
God kept pursuing me.
I got to a point when I said, I can’t live apart from God anymore, so I rededicated my life to him.
2 Corinthians 5
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come, the old is gone and the new is here. V-17
God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sin against them. V-19
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. V-21
God has shown me that I must let go of my past failures completely and Forgive all that happened, or I won’t be living a Christian example and that would be dishonoring him.
I can’t thank God enough for NOT giving up on me
To know he Loves a Sinner like me, flaws and all means everything to me.