You know the old saying…If I knew then, what I know now, I sure would’ve done things differently.
I’ve have made that statement numerous times, and I’m sure you have as well. We have all done, and said things, we so desperately wished we hadn’t. Then we live with the shame, remorse, guilt, and the list can go on and on.
We become slaves to the bondage of our failure’s, and we can’t seem to find a way to let them go, or more importantly, forgive ourself. We want a do over, but that is not possible. We are given one chance, one life to live, that’s it, and we need to make the most of it, in the way that matters most.
Tell others about the saving Grace of Jesus Christ, and how he can break every chain, that holds them captive.
I’m gonna share just one of my biggest regrets, though I have many
The worst of all of them combined, and that is turning my back on God. Oh how it pains my soul to say that. Too many times to count I’m afraid. Those who know me now, must be thinking, YOU?
You see, I allowed situations and circumstances to come between me and my Savior for years. At the time, I put the blame on anything and anyone but myself. Sure my life was hard to handle, for a very long time, but I still could’ve chosen NOT to let the issues get in the way.
Out of fear I chose the easy road, and gave up. God does not Promise us, a life without heartache and pain, but he does Promise, to be there with us, through it all. But I just walked away, over and over.
I will post my testimony in a different blog, but I want to share two key points.
I lived 15 years in a very abusive marriage. I was brought up Divorce was wrong, PERIOD. I was shattered to the point, that I have no self-esteem whatsoever, even to this day. After a while you start believing all the negativity.
One night, I did the unthinkable. I tried to end my life. The pain was just too much, and I couldn’t take it another day. I was so broken, and felt I had no way out and I was completely isolated from my family.
I thought, Surely God must have decided he didn’t love me anymore, right?
He could fix this, but he didn’t. I thought I deserved to be treated the way I was, and it was my fault it was happening. So, I took a whole bottle of very strong narcotics. I don’t even remember, where they came from.
All I know is, this was the lowest point, I ever felt in my life. All I wanted to do, was crawl under the covers, and not wake up.
God had other plans for me. I know without a doubt, if I had went to bed, I’d be dead. God saved me from myself. Friends, that was my wake up call. Scary to think back on it now, how close I truly came, to meet my maker, and not be ready to do so.
I want to share is Tyler. You see, Tyler was my first Grandchild. He was a very happy, healthy baby. My husband and I live 5 hours, from my hometown of Ky, where most of my family still live. We had went to visit twice, and we went for a third visit.
We just couldn’t get enough of our new little bundle of joy. I can not put into words, how this time, the visit was different. We had a great time, don’t get me wrong, but it felt off. When we went to tell everyone our goodbyes, and we saved my daughter and Tyler for last, I went to pick him up, and I got a very somber feeling.
I was crying so hard, I got my husband, daughter, and Tyler’s daddy all crying. I just couldn’t understand, and I didn’t want to let him go. At one point my daughter said, for goodness sake Mom, it’s not like you’re never going to see him again, and was laughing at me for being so emotional.
Well at that point, we said our goodbyes. Mike and I were walking to our car, and I told him, something is very wrong. Needless to Say, the ride back to NC was a very somber one. Four days later, my Precious Grandson passed of SIDS. He was only 4 1/2 months old.
It was as if God was preparing me beforehand, but I got so mad, I told him I want nothing to do with you. How can a loving God take my first grandchild from me? I told him, have I not suffered enough!
Mike and I finally surrendered our lives to God a few years later
Everything couldn’t be better. Our Pastor asked one of our Worship Team Leader’s, to see if Mike and I, would be willing, to be featured, in a God at Work segment. This is a video testimony, of your life before, and after coming to Christ, that they show during service.
They told us to talk about it, and let them know our answer. Ok, doesn’t sound so bad right? But our church is no small facility, and by the way, they have two services. Our Friends and members of the church, will know EVERYTHING about our life.
After agreeing to do this, doubts about doing so ran rapid in my mind. What will they think of me breaking my marriage vows?
Will they look down on me because I attempted suicide?
Will they think I won’t be a good enough Christian example to use, because I turned my back on God again and again?
If word gets back to my ex-husband, will I have to suffer the consequences and endless questioning?
I told Mike, I’m not so sure I can do this. But in the end, we aren’t suppose to fear man, and how they may perceive us. We should be more concerned with pleasing God!
I Prayed and said dear God, I want to Honor YOU. I want YOU to be Glorified. This isn’t about ME. It’s about who may see this and come to know YOU. Sweet Peace filled my Heart, and I knew I was doing the right thing.
Straight Up Truth!
How can we ever expect anyone, to come to know Jesus, if we are not willing, to be open and honest, about what God has brought us out of. People think they need to get their “act together” first before committing to God. People have this misguided concept that Christians are perfect, which we aren’t, and never will be.
If you’re waiting for you to get “Perfect” you’re going to be waiting a very long time, because it will NEVER happen. Only Jesus Christ is Perfect. We are all carrying burdens, that aren’t ours to bear. Jesus bore it ALL on the Cross for US!
As Christians, we are called to tell others, the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and how he’s changed us, from the inside out. We are all sinners saved by God’s Grace alone, through Faith alone, not by works. Jesus gave his life, as ransom for all, so you and I would not face God’s wrath.
He died a death, he did not deserve, but we do. You and I don’t deserve his Grace and Mercy, but he freely gives it to us, because he loves us that much.
If you can handle this southern country girl’s voice, I am attaching the video my Church did, and I hope it speaks to your heart. It goes much deeper in how God has worked in our Lives. May God be Glorified in ALL things.
Your Sister in Christ
Hey Friends. Thank you for taking time out of your day, to spend a few moments in mine. As a follower of Jesus Christ, it’s important to me to share the gospel with you. I write about my ups and downs, my struggles and insecurities, but above all else, I share how God brings me through it all. Let’s continue our walk with Christ together.