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Experiencing Loss

Shattered: Mad at God

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Have you ever been mad at God? Have you gone through the loss of a child? How do you get over the loss of an infant? What if you’ve been given the gift of a grandchild only to have the baby snatched away as quickly as you were blessed with him?

This will leave you with more questions than answers, right? Such as…


  • Why God?
  • Why would you do this?
  • What have we done so wrong to deserve this?

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an image of a woman clasping her hands to her face crying with text Shattered: Mad at God

Allow me to share with you a time my world completely shattered and I was mad at God. It’s a time in my life that I rebelled against God, so out of control, and with nothing but anger and bitterness.


Tyler
SIDS AWARENESS

SHATTERED: MAD AT GOD


See this beautiful boy? You can’t help but fall in love with his smile right? His name is Tyler and he is our first grandchild. As you can see he’s laughing, happy, and healthy.


Tyler is 4 1/2 months old in this photo. I will never forget it because it’s one of my favorite memories. I was leaning over him and was jostling the bed a little, and he thought that was the funniest thing EVER. Can’t you tell by his wide-open grin?


“The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you’re faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep… Click To Tweet

God is Always Faithful, Even We’re Not


I live in North Carolina, and my family lives in Kentucky. It’s about a five-hour drive, so it’s not so bad. We went to visit our first little bundle of Joy a third time and I can’t put into words how this trip was different from the other two.


Looking back on it now, I believe God was showing me love and mercy even then and was preparing me for what was to come.


As my husband and I were fixing to leave to head back home to NC I wanted to get one last snuggle and picked Tyler up out of his stroller in the photo you see above.


Y’all, I had the most sorrowful emotion blast me. I can’t explain it any better than that. I was hugging Tyler so hard and peppering him with kisses even as the tears ran down my cheeks. My behavior caused all of my family to start crying also but I couldn’t help it.


Unexplained Tears and Sorrow


Finally, my daughter says to me, “My goodness Mom, what is wrong with you?” It’s not like you’re never going to see him again. I didn’t want to let him go but I did so rather reluctantly. We hugged my daughter and her husband goodbye and walked away. As Mike and I were leaving I told him “something is really wrong!


I want to leave this next part out of my story, but when you get that nudge from the Holy Spirit, you’d best heed to the warning. You must keep in mind that I wasn’t living for God at this point in my life.


I had turned my back on God long before this incident. I let too many situations and circumstances get in the way. Ashamed as I am to admit that. Yet I believe with all I am that God was warning me. Being angry with God is not a good place to find yourself in.


AT THE TIME I DIDN’T “GET IT”. I WAS TOO MAD AT GOD AT THE TIME TO CONNECT WITH HIM ABOUT THIS.


Our drive back to North Carolina was a somber one. We didn’t talk much cause we were struck with a feeling we didn’t understand.


As your reading this I’m certain you know what I am about to tell you, beforehand. You see when my daughter told me, “it’s not like you’re not going to see him again”. I didn’t.


The pain of Losing a Child and Being Angry with God


Tyler

That was the last time. It was four days later we got the call that my Grandson Tyler passed away from SIDS. Sweet friend, I was so mad at God for taking Tyler from us!


I put all the blame on him! I told him I don’t want anything to do with you ever again! Talking about being angry with God!


SIDS AWARENESS LOSS OF A CHILD

It wasn’t right or fair from my viewpoint! I even went as far to say, he took him from us as punishment for me turning my back on him. Can you believe that? But being angry with God made it easier to deal with at the time.


To this day I am so ashamed of my behavior not just in this instance but many others. When we blame God for pain and suffering and being angry with God is not a good place to be in.


The Truth About Being Mad at God?


Reality is, life doesn’t always work out the way WE want it to. God’s ways are not our ways and his ways are better than our ways.


My point in sharing this is…Instead of looking to God as my source of strength to see me through this, I pushed him away even further than I already had.


REMEMBER, BEING ANGRY WITH GOD IS NOT THE WAY TO GO!

I didn’t want God’s name brought up around me for the longest time because I was full of bitterness and mad at God for taking Tyler from us for the longest time.


Being angry with God allowed me, someone, to point fingers at. If you find yourself in this situation lean into God not away from him.


Being angry with God leads to bitterness


Instead of thanking God, for giving me what time with Tyler he did, I was too furious with him, for not giving me more time with him.


I know we aren’t supposed to question God’s judgment but I can tell you now that I did that and then some.


Now I see how wrong I was but I was in so much pain I took the easier road or at least what I thought was. I want you to know if you find yourself in a similar situation, allow yourself to grieve, but don’t let it make you become bitter the way I did.


Bible Verses About Loss to Comfort You


To grant to those who mourn in Zion to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. Isaiah 61:13


Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4


Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4


For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 2 Corinthians 1:5


He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4


Quotes About Loss to Comfort You


“Loss is only temporary when you believe in God!”

-Latoya Alston

“Any woman who’d ever lost a child knew of the hollowness that remained within the soul.”

― Brittainy C. Cherry

“We do not “get over” a death. We learn to carry grief and integrate the loss in our lives. In our hearts, we carry those who have died. We grieve and we love. We remember.”

― Nathalie Himmelrich

“Like a deep sad note played beneath the ocean waving through the orb the memories of you the bittersweet echoes infixed forever in my heart”

― Pawan Mishra

“There is no right way to grieve; there is only your way to grieve and that is different for everyone.”

― Nathalie Himmelrich

LEAN ON JESUS CHRIST TO COMFORT YOU IN THE LOSS of a child


Turn to your Heavenly Father to see you through it. You will get past it. I’m not going to lie and tell you it isn’t going to still hurt, because it will. However, you can have the assurance knowing that you’ll be reunited again in Heaven if you accept Jesus as Lord and Savior in your life.


The way I acted being angry with God I’m surprised he didn’t just say, “You know what Angie, I’m done chasing you!” I’m so thankful God didn’t stop chasing ME! He kept pursuing ME! Aren’t you thankful for God’s grace even when we don’t deserve it?


I came across another post from a devotional I follow which is Girlfriends in God. If you have not checked their website it is filled with many gospel-centered faith-filled writings from God-fearing women.


Please read: Seeing God through the Puncture Wounds of Life. It shares a story that I can relate to so much on being mad at God over a loss.


IN CLOSING ON BEING MAD AT GOD


The pain, grief, and sadness we feel over the loss of Tyler are still there to this day however, the Lord is our hope and our salvation, and our comfort is found in him.


God wants to encourage us and relieve our suffering if we will just go to him at all times. And his word is powerful enough to bring healing and solace even during our darkest hours.


If you are needing help and want to talk to someone who has been through it please don’t hesitate to contact me and I will do everything I can for you.


Most Importantly, God is there for you and God is at work through the tragedies of our lives to bring glory and honor to his name.


God was there for me too but I chose to rebuke it. Don’t make my mistake this is the point of this post as well as wanting to honor my little baby boy. For now, I know God is taking care of him and has him wrapped in his tender loving and caring arms.


If you’re struggling with the loss of a loved one watch this sermon from Greg Laurie.


LOSS OF A CHILD TO SIDS IS A HEARTBREAKING LOSS

In Loving Memory of Tyler Quentin Huddleston, YOU will never be forgotten.

Be sure to read:

much love, your sister in Christ, Angie




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4 Comments

    1. Thank you so much, Aryn. Yes, The Holy Spirit convicts me strongly in particular areas and won’t let me rest till I obey in writing what’s placed on my heart. This is definitely one of those instances. Losing a child/grandchild is one of the most difficult trials someone can go through and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thanks so much for your encouraging feedback and support.

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart here with such honesty! I have struggled with some things that God has allowed in the past that brought me hurt and this really encouraged me. God bless you!

    1. Thank You so much. That’s exactly what I want for my posts. To Encourage others who may have experienced or may be going through similar issues. I appreciate your feedback.

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