Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you, He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. (Psalm 55:22).
I am really baring my heart and soul in this Blog Post.
All my Imperfections, Doubts, and Fears are pouring out from the heart, straight into this article.
Forgive me now for being so emotional and raw.
But it’s real and honest, which is what I want to do.
I hope it helps you in some way, in the struggles you are dealing with.
I want to ask a question beloved, and I Pray that I am NOT the ONLY one willing to admit this!
Do you have circumstances, that you are facing in your life right now, where you are so overwhelmed, it makes you weary?
I’m talking about deep down in your soul, weary.
Some might say, but we’re Christian’s, we are NOT supposed to feel that way, right?
The answer is Yes.
It happens to me, and if you’re honest, it happens to you too.
It happens more often, than we are willing to admit, because of pride.
As hard as I try to stay positive, I’ve been feeling crushed lately, by the weight of my health issues.
I feel as if I am disappointing God, and letting him down.
I think that’s what’s most troublesome for me, in this whole thing.
I don’t like that feeling!
See Friends, I had a biopsy scheduled a few weeks ago, and I was prepared physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Then the Dr walks in and introduces himself, proceeds to say, I’m afraid I have bad news for you.
I can’t do your biopsy or treat you at all, and I believe it’s a Carcinoma, of some kind.
I WAS DEVASTATED!
I thought I was finally gonna get some answers.
I left the Dr’s office in tears and defeat!
After feeling sorry for myself for a short while, I dusted myself off, put my big girl panties on, and said Ok Lord, your will, not mine be done.
It is in your hands.
The issue with my foot has been ongoing for 18 months now.
18 months of painful treatments, just so you understand my discouragement.
I got another call, from the next referral.
I went to that appointment, ready to get this ended and be done with it.
I am happy to report my biopsy did get done this past Monday.
This Dr also stated he thought it was Cancer.
Squamous Cell Carcinoma if fact.
He told me after that many months of treatment, I should have seen some kind of improvement.
Y’all, there wasn’t any.
In fact, this place has grown larger, and harder as time has gone by.
I was like, THANK YOU JESUS! Finally gonna get the ball rolling, so to speak.
I work in an Oncology office, and I know what the dreaded C word means.
I know what it does to your body.
I definitely did NOT want it to be that at all, but I thought to myself, Angie, God’s Got This, and he will see you through, regardless of the outcome.
Next day, I get a phone call. Wonderful News, it was NOT Cancer like they thought.
I was extremely grateful and thankful.
You’re probably asking yourself right about now…Then what is your problem, Angie!!
You know what, I am asking myself that very question.
Is it possible to be both grateful and disappointed at the same time?
See, now I am back at square one.
I was led to believe, that regardless of the biopsy results, they were cutting it out.
Or so I thought!
Now, since it didn’t come back as Cancer-related, as they thought, they aren’t wanting to remove it.
These are the reasons I was given
- Excessive scar tissue
- High risk for infection
- No way to repair the damage
- Can grow back
- Too risky due to my Autoimmune System
My Autoimmune Disorders do NOT allow my body, to heal like a normal person.
It’s NOT Cancer, and I am thankful for that, but leaving it in is not what I wanted to hear at all.
Does that sound as ungrateful to you as it does to me?
Can you imagine how my world fell apart?
It was like the weight of it all crushed in on me.
Now, they tell me that aren’t many options left.
- I was like What?
- You gotta do something!
- You can’t leave it there to continue to grow!
- You try walking with a rock attached to the bottom of your foot! See how you like it!
Rest easy beloved, I didn’t speak those words to the Dr, but I said them just the same in my heart.
For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. (Matthew 12:34).
I am so ashamed of my thoughts and attitude.
God Forgive Me.
When the nurse called me, she told me these 3 options were ALL they had
- Paring the lesion down and treating it with further liquid nitrogen.
- Using a compound called WartPeel. By the way, it’s a clinical trial, and it’s NOT FDA approved.
- More Injections but instead of Bleomycin Chemotherapy, they’re wanting to use the MMR Vaccine.
Needless to Say, I stewed on their words.
I let them fester.
Can you guess what happened, next Friends?
Satan, the liar, and deceiver he is started attacking my mind, with all kinds of negativity.
- The Dr’s are tired of messing with you!
- No one wants to deal with you!
- You are a leper no one wants to touch!
- You are too much trouble!
- You are a Freakazoid!
- God doesn’t Love you!
- God could heal you!
- You should just give up!
My boss asked me not long after this if I had heard about my results yet.
I was like, YES, AND WHAT A JOKE!
I proceeded to tell her all that transpired.
I am being completely honest, as bad as I hate to even admit this to you.
I did NOT handle the situation in a Christian like attitude at all.
I embarrassed myself, but most of all, I didn’t represent God very well at all.
They understood my frustration, but that isn’t the point.
I let myself down, and even worse is,
I know I disappointed God.
I let Satan get in my head.
I repented but talking about being ashamed of yourself. I started to repeat these words.
- Joy in ALL circumstances!
- Joy in ALL circumstances!
- Joy in ALL circumstances!
Satan Loves whispering lies in our ears!
I will NOT allow him to make me feel like a Leper, regardless of how my situation and circumstances may look from the outside looking in!
Scriptures of reference in God’s Word to remind us when we’re feeling overwhelmed.
- I am putting this down for me too.
- The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. (Psalm 28:7).
- Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. (John 14:1).
- The steps of a man are established by the LORD when he delights in his way. (Psalm 37:23).
- From the end of the earth I will cry to You When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. (Psalm 61:2).
- When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path. In the way in which I walk They have secretly set a snare for me. (Psalm 142:3).
- Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. (Isaiah 40:28).
- But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31).
- There is none Holy like the LORD: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. For there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God. (I Samuel 2:2).
- Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. (Psalm 37:5).
- Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. (Ephesians 6:10).
When we are at our weakest point, God will ALWAYS be the rock we can run to.
The best part is this friend.
No matter how much we mess up, and I do on a daily basis, he will ALWAYS Love us, regardless of our Imperfections.
Isn’t that Amazing to know, that he Loves us, even in the middle of our mess!
Your Sister in Christ
Hey Friends. Thank you for taking time out of your day, to spend a few moments in mine. As a follower of Jesus Christ, it’s important to me to share the gospel with you. I write about my ups and downs, my struggles and insecurities, but above all else, I share how God brings me through it all. Let’s continue our walk with Christ together.