Today I am going to talk about a subject that is so hard that there is no doubt I am writing about the loss of a grandchild because that is what God is calling me to do.
The Loss of a Grandchild: Putting Him in Words
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.
Can you vision that moment Friends?
No more tears, no more crying, no more death.
As born-again followers of Jesus Christ, we cling to the hope, that we will see our loved ones again, that have accepted Jesus Christ, as their Lord and Savior, when we get to Heaven.
Oh, what a day that will be.
What a Glorious Homecoming!
I’ve been playing, a game of tug of war, with God, about writing this particular post.
I’ve tried to bargain with God.
I will write about ANYTHING else, you lay on my heart but this!
Haven’t we suffered enough!
It’s too HARD!
I finally submitted to God, and said Ok Lord, your will be done, NOT mine!
I don’t know who needs to hear this story, but God does, and I am going to obey, no matter how hard and difficult it is.
My pain is poured out from within my heart and soul.
Welcoming Tyler into the World
See Friends, January 16th has many happy memories.
It also brings sadness.
The topic I’m referring to is about Tyler, my first-born grandchild.
Oh, the LOVE I have for him is indescribable.
Can you imagine hearing, You’re gonna be a Mamaw?
I was beyond thrilled, and couldn’t wait, to see this little bundle of Joy, and hold him in my arms.
When Tyler was born, I can’t explain how it’s possible, to love someone so much, that you just met.
But you do.
I can remember being told stories, jokingly about if you could just bypass the kids, and go straight to the grandchildren, life would be perfect.
It’s a different kind of Love though.
I live in North Carolina, and my family lives in Kentucky.
Mike and I couldn’t get enough, of spending time with our grandson.
Tyler had us wrapped around his little fingers.
Yep, that was Pap and me.
We already drove to Kentucky for two visits, within three months, and we wanted to see him again.
So we packed up the car and drove another five-hour trip.
Before the Loss of Our Grandchild
Friends, I can’t explain how this visit was different.
It just was.
Have you felt burdened but not understood why?
I mean come on, we’ve got a very healthy, happy, baby to love.
What was wrong with me?
I want you to understand, at this particular point in my life, I did NOT have a relationship with God.
I was saved when I was eighteen years old, but my relationship with God, was in a back-slide state, meaning I wasn’t living for God at that time.
He NEVER once left ME, I left HIM!
During that whole third visit, it was just OFF.
The LOVE was stronger than EVER, I couldn’t understand the feeling in my heart.
As we always do, when it comes the time, to head back to North Carolina, Mike and I gave hugs and kisses on the cheeks, told everyone we loved them and would see them again soon.
I wanted to get ONE MORE HUG from my baby.
I knelt down to get Tyler from his stroller, and I had a wave of sorrow, overtake me.
I’m talking about a somber state of mind.
I clung to Tyler like I never had before while tears were pouring down my face, as I was kissing his chubby cheeks goodbye.
We had to get on the road to head home to North Carolina but I didn’t want to release him.
My daughter, bless her, said…”My goodness Mom, what is wrong with you, it’s not like your never gonna see him again?”
Little did she know.
IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME!
When Mike and I walked off, I told him.
“SOMETHING IS WRONG! I JUST KNOW IT!”
I can’t explain it but I feel it, and he felt it also.
That trip back to North Carolina was a slow sad one.
Mike and I both were at a loss of words to speak.
I can remember EVERY detail, from what takes place next.
How We Found Out
It’s like it’s on a real hitting replay..replay
Four days had passed since we returned home.
The work week was the same as it always was.
I went for a lunch break and left my cell phone on my forklift, which I NEVER did and upon returning I had several missed calls and voice mails.
I thought to myself, leave it to me, the one time I forget my cell phone, and that’s when I’m being called.
So I flipped through the call log and seen that every one of the calls, came from my family in Kentucky.
I was thinking to myself, what in the world!
So I listened to the first voicemail, saying I needed to call home ASAP.
I can remember thinking Ok, it’s NOT a big deal!
Nothing is Wrong!
I had myself convinced of that until I heard the next voicemail.
It was from my Son, Mark.
Mom, you need to call Becky.
They found Tyler passed away this morning!
Mom, Becky is devastated!
TYLER IS GONE! TYLER IS DEAD!
I was like NO he’s NOT!
He’s a happy, healthy, boy!
We were just there!
He’s ONLY 4 1/2 months old!
That’s NOT enough time!
I can remember thinking, surely I didn’t hear the message correctly.
So I listened again, and again, and again.
It didn’t change!
About that time Mark called again, Mom did you get my message?
I couldn’t speak!
I couldn’t think!
MY BABY IS GONE! NOOOOOOOOO!!!
It’s NOT supposed to happen this way!!!
You should leave this world FIRST!!
NOT your Child!!!
The Loss of a Grandchild: How I Responded to God
To say that I was mad at God is an understatement.
I SCREAMED AT HEAVEN, WHY?
How could you?
Why did you give him to us, and snatch him away?
We didn’t have enough time!
How dare you!
I don’t want you in my life EVER again!
Do you hear me?
That was my attitude.
I’m ashamed to admit it to you, but it’s the truth.
He can’t be gone, but then I remembered how I felt in Kentucky when I had the wave of sadness overtake me.
It made sense now.
I truly believe that God was warning me what was about to take place.
Even then, when I walked away from him.
Grief From the Loss
Next came trying to call Mike at work.
I was a complete MESS!
He answered cheerfully like always, but as soon as I said Mike, or tried to, he knew something was off.
I started crying so hard with Mike trying to get out of me what was wrong when I finally got out the words He’s Gone! He’s Dead!
Mike was like who are you talking about hunny?
I said Tyler, HE’S GONE!
To say we were a mess is putting it mildly.
We were on the phone with one another, listening to the other one shed tears of heartache.
I can NOT begin to imagine, what my daughter went through on that day, and still goes through.
It’s hard for us. but it has to be 100x more for her.
I try my best NOT to bring him up around her because I don’t want to cause her, any unnecessary pain.
I know everyone deals with death and grief differently.
For some, it’s out of sight, out of mind, kinda way.
How to Grieve Through the Loss of a Grandchild
I need to be surrounded by his memory with photos out and talk about him.
Most importantly, Tyler’s life may have been short but he was here!
His life meant SOMETHING!
I want to honor him. It has taken me a long time, to be able to talk about him, without tears running down my face, and mourning his loss.
As a result, I still have days where the pain of losing him feels as if it happened yesterday.
It also took me a long time, to stop being mad at God and blaming him due to his loss.
You wanna know the thing I cling to now is?
I WILL SEE TYLER AGAIN!
For now, God is looking after him.
I can NOT wait to see him again one day soon.
Furthermore, Tyler is still impacting lives, mine the most.
I want you to know if you’re born again loved ones have left this world, if you are a born-again follower of Jesus Christ, you will see your loved ones again too.
That gives me comfort.
Doesn’t it give you comfort also?
I have Tyler’s photo in my lab bay at work and I get countless patients talking about him and asking me what happened.
By their reactions, they are blessed by his story and it opens a door to talk about Christ to those who don’t know him as their personal savior.
I have another grandson now, who is eight years old, and his name is Gavin.
No one can EVER fill Tyler’s place, but I believe God, has gifted us with Gavin, to fill the void and gaping hole in our hearts.
I can NOT thank God enough.
Tyler will ALWAYS be cherished, and have a special place in my heart.
I wanted to share his story with you today, to Honor him on his birthday.
So for now, I will have to ask God, to give him a hug, and kiss on the cheek for me, until I can do it for myself.
I Can Only Imagine what it will be like to see Tyler’s face again
Go Rest High My Angel Baby (In Tyler’s Loving Memory)