5 Stages Of Grief And The Horrible Loss Of a Child
Have you or someone you know suffered the loss of a grandchild? Today I’m honoring a birthday in Heaven by sharing resources to help others through our loss of a child. Learn the 5 stages of grief as well as the devastating and horrible loss of a child.
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I want to wish my beautiful baby grandson a very Happy Birthday in Heaven! Tyler’s birthday is January 16 so he will be celebrating his birthday with my Heavenly Father.
I’ve been researching words of comfort, quotes on the loss of a child, the different stages of grief, and how grieving is a process in order to honor both Tyler’s birthday and help you all in one post.
In all honesty, no one should ever have to go through the loss of a grandchild. When your grandchild has their birthday in Heaven it’s bittersweet.
It is a pain that is so indescribable and heartbreaking and if you have lost a child I’m truly sorry because I’ve been there. First and foremost, I want to share with you my personal loss of a grandchild and let you know how you can find hope.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4
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How can you cope with the Loss of a grandchild?
Have you found yourself looking forward to a particular day but dreading it all at the same time? January 16 brings numerous happy memories for me and my family but it also has devastating ones as well.
I never in a million years thought I would be writing about the loss of a grandchild, let alone go through this.
When Tyler entered our lives it brought us much exuberant joy! I never knew it was possible to love someone so much until his small precious little body was within my reach. Let’s just say I was smitten!
The photo displayed below is from when I first held Tyler in my arms. Can you see the look of pure contentment on my face? It’s quite hard to miss, isn’t it?
It’s ok if you wanna poke fun at my “BIG HAIR” I know it was bad but I was much younger and didn’t know any better. Lol!
If you are a grandmother you know firsthand the feeling you have within your heart when you have a grandchild don’t you?
Bittersweet Birthday In Heaven
It’s extremely difficult trying to explain that to those who do not have a grandchild yet, isn’t it? Let’s just say they have you wrapped around their tiny little fingers and stubby toes.
If you have a sense of what that may feel like imagine it being taken away as quickly as it was given.
The loss of a grandchild would be an unthinkable scenario, right?
When a child is born you assume you are gonna have all the time in the world with them, don’t you? No one would dare think about losing their grandchild, would they? That’s just not supposed to happen.
Our human way of perceiving life is seeing our children live long and healthy lives NOT our children leaving this world behind and you and left to grieve their loss. I know death is a natural part of life but it’s especially when it’s a baby or a small child.
losing a grandchild is devastating
We lost Tyler to SIDS when he was only 4 1/2 months old. The loss of a child or grandchild is something I wouldn’t want anyone to live through. I know firsthand what that feels like and how it has affected my family.
When it’s a baby, you’re not the only one grieving the loss. The grief is multiplied because you’re also grieving for the Mother, Father, and siblings. Yet God’s word state the following verse.
A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted. Ecclesiastes 3:2
Coping with Grief
When it’s a grandchild, you’re not the only one grieving the loss. Grief is multiplied because you’re also grieving for Mama, the Father, and the siblings. When a baby passes away it makes you feel helpless.
You want to take your child’s pain away but they have to go through it the same as you do. So many shattered broken hearts. When a child or grandchild dies, it’s not just the loss of the life you grieve, but all the hopes and dreams you looked forward to sharing with them. Such as…
Facing Tyler’s Loss
- Would he know much he’s cherished?
- What would he look like today?
- What kind of personality would he have?
- Would he play sports?
- Would he be interested in music?
- Would he protect his little brother?
- Would Gavin look to him as a role model?
- Would he be close to his little brother?
- Would he play electronics and games like his little brother?
- What would he grow up to be?
- Would he be impacting lives today?
- Would he know how much I love and miss him?
Eternal Hope in Christ to be reunited
However, during Tyler’s passing, all I felt at this particular time was the loss of a grandchild. NOT the eternal hope of being reunited in Heaven with him!
I did NOT put my hope and faith in Jesus Christ because, during this time in my life, I was separated from God and saw no hope.
Friends, without HOPE you will remain lost and NOT be found! Without HOPE all you will see is darkness and despair. I hear the following statement all the time.
Refuse to listen to Satan’s deception and Taunting
- Do you NOT remember how it felt when YOUR God took Tyler?
- Do you NOT know YOUR GOD could’ve stopped it, YOUR God wanted YOU to hurt.
- YOUR God was punishing YOU for walking away from him.
- God is NOT good for taking your grandson!
What is the Truth of God’s word?
God says…
- I am Forgiven
- I am Loved
- I am Redeemed
- I am HIS Beloved Child!
When you come boldly before the throne of Grace and bow humbly on bended knees before the Almighty God and repent of your sins God graciously forgives you and remembers your sins no more.
Trust In God’s Promises Bible verses
For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more. Hebrews 8:12
I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins. Isaiah 43:25
If you are like me in weak moments such as the loss of a grandchild when the floodgates of memories open up like a rushing tidal wave we need to hold fast to the very Promises of God and his word.
You must put the lies of the devil and put Satan in his place and stomp him into the ground back to Hell where he belongs.
The past failures that bombard your thoughts are what Satan will use against you again and again because it’s ALL he’s got to use to get your heart and mind off Jesus.
I know today will NOT be an easy day and where I was once Shattered in Tyler’s loss…I now lean into the Lord where I find ALL my refuge and strength!
In Christ You have hope
- AT YOUR LOWEST…GOD IS YOUR HOPE
- AT YOUR DARKEST…GOD IS YOUR LIGHT
- AT YOUR WEAKEST… GOD IS YOUR STRENGTH
- AT YOUR SADDEST…GOD IS YOUR COMFORTER
Some Words of Comfort for Loss of a grandChild
Children are a blessing and gift that are meant to be treasured NO MATTER how long we have them in our presence!
I definitely treasure Tyler then and I always will now and forevermore! Children’s tenderhearted spirits are filled with innocence, joy, and laughter.
Losing a child is one of the most tragic things that could happen to anyone. A parent having their son or daughter taken from them will likely be the most painful experience that could possibly be imagined.
The grief will be long-lasting and change the lives of the family involved forever. Keep in mind it takes placing your faith and trust in God to sustain you through the loss.
Why Grieving is a Process
How do you talk about something so challenging and difficult? In my case, it was my first grandchild. How can others understand the loss endured unless they’ve endured it themselves?
In all honesty sweet friend, the loss of a grandchild/child will show you how truly fragile life is. Please remember grieving is a process, and everyone processes death differently and it’s not one size fits all. Be patient with your loved ones in this difficult time.
What is The Grieving Process?
What are the Five Stages of Grief?
Source: GRIEF.COM
Denial
Denial is the first of the five stages of grief. It helps you to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. You are in a state of shock and denial.
You go numb. You wonder how you can go on. Simply stated, you try to find a way to get through each day. Denial and shock help you to cope and make survival possible.
Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is grace in denial. It is God’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle.
As you accept the reality of the loss and start to ask yourself questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process. You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface.
Anger
Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal.
There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion you are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits.
It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself, and your loved one who died but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this? Underneath anger is pain, your pain.
It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss.
At first, grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died.
Suddenly you have a structure of your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them.
It is something to hold onto, and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing.
We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.
Bargaining
Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, ” you bargain, “I will never be angry at _____ again if you’ll just let _____ live.”
After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others?
Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?” We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements.
We want life returned to what it was; we want our loved ones restored.
We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, and stop the accident from happening…if only, if only, if only.
Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if only’s” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently.
We may even bargain with the pain. You will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. You remain in the past, trying to negotiate your way out of the hurt.
People often think of the stages as lasting weeks or months. They forget that the stages are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours as we flip in and out of one and then another.
You do not enter and leave each individual stage in a linear fashion. You may feel one, then another, and back again to the first one.
Depression
After bargaining, our attention moves squarely to the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever.
It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone.
Why go on at all? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of.
The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing.
The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual.
When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing.
If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.
Acceptance
Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one.
This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. You will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually, you accept it.
You learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which you must learn to live. You must try to live now in a world where your loved one is missing.
In resisting this new norm, at first, many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact.
It has been forever changed and w must readjust. you must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on yourself.
Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones.
As you begin to live again and enjoy your life, you often feel that in doing so, you are betraying your loved ones.
you can never replace what has been lost, but you can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, and new inter-dependencies.
Instead of denying your feelings, you listen to your needs; you move, you change, you grow, and you evolve. You may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives.
You invest in our godly friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. You begin to live again, but we cannot do so until you have given grief its time.
Loss of a Child Quotes
“The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you’re faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking.”
—James Patterson
“We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world — the company of those who have known suffering.”
—Helen Keller
“It is the capacity to feel consuming grief and pain and despair that also allows me to embrace love and joy and beauty with my whole heart. I must let it all in.”
—Anna White
“Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality.”
—Emily Dickinson
“I love you every day. And now I will miss you every day.”
― Mitch Albom
“Grief is the price we pay for love.”
—Queen Elizabeth II
“While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it is digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it.”
―Samuel Johnson
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”
—Washington Irving
“You were unsure which pain is worse — the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will.”
-Unknown
“Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.”
-Unknown
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
— C.S.Lewis
“This is what I like about photographs. They’re proof that once, even if just for a heartbeat, everything was perfect.”
— Jodi Picoult
“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.”
— Brene Brown
I will remember Tyler’s award-winning smile and infectious laughter as long as I have breath in my lungs!
My walk with Jesus Christ is more grounded than ever, even thru the loss of my grandchild! Sweet friend, you hang onto your memories as well.
Not today Satan: Happy Birthday in Heaven Tyler
I choose today to honor Tyler with HAPPY memories, I choose not to linger on the loss of his life because, in ALL honesty, he’s more alive than I EVER will be on this side of eternity.
Gavin is our Second Grandson and Tyler’s Brother. Gavin is such a tender-hearted sweet soul and I couldn’t be more grateful to God for him!
Satan, I refuse to let you tarnish the memory of my baby boy!! NOT TODAY…or no other because a beautiful soul is never forgotten!
God PLEASE give my little one a tight squeeze and kiss on the cheek since I can NOT do it myself…for now.
Be sure to also Read:
If you are grieving the loss of a child check out my friend’s posts for encouraging truths.
She Still Lives: Bible Verses About Heaven After Death
When You Think You’ve Been Buried: Bloom Quotes Bring You to Life
My Love didn’t end when her life did
Your Turn
Have you suffered the loss of a child? I hope Tyler’s story has opened your eyes to how fragile life truly is. What did the 5 stages of grief teach you? Coping with the sudden tragedy and loss of Tyler is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone but we have tons of resources to help you cope with loss. and it’s not just for a baby so go check it out as well as these Bible verses for grief and loss.
Note: All information on this site is for educational purposes only. Resounding His Love does not provide medical advice. Please consult a physician if you suspect medical problems or need professional advice.
