Why Do I Suffer?
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
It is easy to wonder, “Why do I suffer” When you hear these words:
I’m Sorry, I have done EVERYTHING I know to do for you, and I’m out of options:
- It’s COMPLETELY unexplainable.
- I have NEVER seen Squaric Acid not work before, EVER.
- I must send you to someone else.
These very words were said to me when I saw my Specialist this past Thursday:
To be honest, I knew it was coming already.
I know my body and could see it for myself.
The months upon months of treatment wasn’t working.
This poor doctor just hung her head in frustration:
It was written all over her face, how badly she felt, that everything she has tried, has failed to help me.
Why do I suffer and become Overwhelmed by Life?
See, beloved, I have several autoimmune disorders, and it’s like my body attacks itself.
The short version is, I had plantar warts, on both of my hands.
After months with no improvement, she decided to cut them out.
To say this was a mistake, it putting it mildly.
It took over five months, for both places to heal.
My hands are good to go now, FINALLY.
My foot…NOT SO MUCH!!!
I have clusters of plantar warts, that are deeply rooted, in the bottom of my foot.
They have tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it.
I will name a few treatments they have tried:
- Immune Serum Injections
- Chemotherapy Bleomycin Injections
- Chemotherapy Cream
- Squaric Acid
Absolutely none of these treatments have worked, to get rid of these troublemakers.
She said she would NOT cut them out, due to the fact, that my body does NOT heal correctly.
I will quote her, “I would NOT cut them out in a million years…EVER.”
What she said next, left me kinda speechless for a bit.
She said, “Angie, I think we need to send you for an MRI, to see how deep this lesion is. I am starting to worry that this is Verrucous Carcinoma, which is a form of Cancer.”
Once I’m scheduled for the MRI and get the results, I would need a rather large amount, to send off for a biopsy.
She did NOT beat around the bush, about how extremely painful, this procedure would be.
I was like, I handled needles upon needles, and had straight Bleomycin injected in my foot.
I think I can handle it, right?
You’d thought I’d sprouted horns, right there in the office, or had a third head or something Y’all.
Depending on how deep the place is, it would be a possibility, that I could lose my foot.
Let’s be real, NO ONE wants to lose a body part, right?
I sure don’t.
Once she started filling me in, on all the possibilities, I started to panic a little.
Talking about becoming scared!
I got in my car and sat there for a few minutes to calm my racing heart.
As I prayed to my Heavenly Father I asked others to start praying as well and I felt the prayers being said for me.
I also felt the assurance that whatever the outcome for me Jesus is there for me right by side!
He will NEVER leave me, and he will NEVER forsake me, not for a single moment.
I didn’t have to ask him “Why do I suffer?”
I have been asked more than once the most recent being Friday during lunch at work in fact.
Angie, why is God allowing you to go through so much?
You’re such a good Christian woman, and I don’t understand WHY he would do that.
It’s a question many Christians and non-Christians wonder about themselves: Why do I suffer?
I am sure she would give you my response if you were to ask her.
I simply said, WHY NOT ME!
Friends, we are put on this earth, for one purpose.
Sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ to others.
Whatever we face in our lives, is being used to show the Glory of God through them.
Instead of “Why do I suffer?”
WHY NOT ME?
WHY NOT YOU?
But when Jesus heard it he said, This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it. John 11:4
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10
I must confess that when my health first started to go downhill back in 2008, I did NOT have the attitude I have now.
At the time I had turned my back on God.
I was bitter for a number of reasons.
You can read my personal testimony to give you an idea.
I had the “WOES ME” mentality!
I felt sorry for myself and wanted others to pity me.
Since returning to my faith in 2013, God has done a major change in my life, and most importantly, he’s done a heart change in me.
I view things much differently now.
Trust me when I say the change in me, did NOT happen overnight.
It was a very slow, hard, and painful process!
See beloved, during this time God was making my faith in him stronger, and he is still doing that, even now when all is uncertain.
When everything is going right in our life, we tend to put God on the back burner.
It is during our most difficult challenges, that we learn we can’t handle things in our own strength.
We realize that we need to lean on him, to see us through them as we’re trusting God in the unknown outcomes.
Also during the hard times is when we learn the most about ourselves.
God wants to use our lives, to change those around us.
When people see us, going through difficult situations, time and time again, they pay attention.
They will say…What makes Angie so different?
How can she or he be going through what they are, but can still keep a smile on their face?
How can she or he keep raising their hands in praise, to the God who is allowing them to face ______?
Friends I am here to tell you, other peoples lives and hearts, will come to know the Lord Jesus Christ, watching you and I, in our everyday trials and sufferings.
I work in the Oncology field, so trust me when I say, I see much heartache, on a daily basis.
I am reminded every single day, that I could be having it much worse than I do.
There is ALWAYS someone who is in much worse shape than you!
To be honest I think God opened the door for me to get my job there to change me and my attitude Working in Oncology will open your eyes for sure.
God knows what he is doing, and his ways are much better than our ways.
He sees the whole picture, whereas we do NOT!
In Closing: Why do I suffer?
The way I see it if God wants to use me, and my health struggles, to bring the lost and hurting world, to come to know him, so be it. Here I am Lord, use me.