The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. (Psalm 34:17-18).
Friends, have you experienced something in your life, that has crushed your spirit, and left you with a shattered heart? I know we all face disappointment from time to time, that is a reality of life. We live in such a dark, evil, and broken world.
But this is much different
Life has recently thrown me a curve ball, that has spun so out of control, that it has left me reeling. I did NOT see this issue coming AT ALL! I watched a movie not long ago about a runaway train that could not be stopped.
I feel myself on this fast-moving train, that I don’t want to be on. I want OFF!! NOW!
Oh GOD your daughter is crying out to you….HELP ME!
My weekend started off with Gavin coming over like he always does. Gavin LOVES staying with his Mamaw and Pap on the weekends. I think it’s the highlight of the week for ALL of us. My husband and Gavin, were going to spend time together, at the trampoline park, while I was going to meet my Bestie for lunch.
Needless to say, those plans had changed. My friend got detained and had to cancel our lunch. I was disappointed but I understood completely. She and I don’t get to spend, as much time together as we use to, and any time we get, I look forward to.
Life kinda gets in the way of that. When you look at work, family, church, dinner, cleaning, lifegroup…etc, just to name a few of the reasons, it makes it difficult for us both, to able to make time for one another.
After canceling our lunch plans, I decided to go grab a quick bite, before returning home. I was planning to go to my daughter’s afterwards, to drop something off for her. However, while I was eating I got several messages, saying that I needed to call….NOW!
I thought to myself, “what in the world?”
This is where my heart shattered in a million pieces. The first thing that was said to me was this….Angie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, and I could tell they were crying. I was ok just tell me. I’m NOT gonna go into specifics of that conversation.
It’s very personal, so I ask that you respect that by not asking for details. I just want to make a point in all this.
Needless to say, I was in shock. As I kept listening I replied, “I don’t think what your stating can be true!” “Surely NOT!” “They would NEVER do that!” “Not to us!” NOT after ALL we have done for this individual!”
Was I EVER wrong
For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light. (Luke 8:17).
As this conversation kept unfolding, I could NOT believe it. I was so upset! I was crying so hard I could barely drive, as my tears flowed down my face! Worst scenario EVER!! Not only this, but someone very close to me, was going to be devastated!
I tried my best to calm down, before going to this individual, to see if they would admit, what they had done.
Friends, I am human, I know I make mistakes and don’t always handle things in the right way. You got to understand though, the one being wronged, is more than my friend, she’s a part of my family, more like a sister to me really.
I did NOT handle the situation in love
I let my emotions get the best of me.
I had already had a trying week at work. Many patients are being faced with dire circumstances, that left me feeling defenseless, to help them. Sad part is, it’s NOT up to me, the situations they are handed. I can’t help but feel, I need to help them, carry their burdens sometimes.
I want to “fix” everyone! It is a part of who I am.
Y’all, as soon as I pulled up the driveway, I blew it! I snapped!
I confronted the individual, and to my complete utter shock.
It was true!!
They didn’t even try to deny it. You see, I just knew this had to be a mistake! There was NO WAY they would’ve done this! For me to find out it was truth, I couldn’t believe it! I don’t think it could’ve hurt more than it did. I felt betrayed!
I spoke my peace in a NOT so nice way! I did NOT curse or anything like that, but the individual felt the venom of my words.
I am a Christian, and I am NOT supposed to act like that. I am to show kindness, love, and understanding. I told myself that on the drive over there, but as soon as the truth came to light, I was ready to let them have it.
The words I used
First off I pointed at him and said
- YOU! IN THE HOUSE…NOW!!
- HOW COULD YOU!
- HOW DARE YOU!
- AFTER ALL WE HAVE DONE FOR YOU!
- HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US!
- THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY US! REALLY!
I left their feeling worse than ever! I came home and stewed! We had a Lifegroup BBQ and as I sat there and tried to enjoy the company around me, all I could hear was the shouting of my voice!
When I went to bed I couldn’t sleep. I would wake up to those same shouting spewing words!
I feel so ashamed!
Granted, if you knew the details, you would completely understand why I reacted the way I did. I had every right to be angry and upset, but I definitely could have handled it in a better way. I have tried to come up with scriptures that would back up my behavior. Jesus got angry!
Then Jesus went into the temple of God and drove out all those who bought and sold in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. And He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you have made it a ‘den of thieves.’ (Matthew 21:12-13).
I have tried to justify my actions and I’m NOT accomplishing that.
I feel like the worst person EVER!! At Church service Sunday I felt beyond guilty. While I was trying to sing, worship, and follow along with the Pastor, giving his sermon, it was as if I had a black cloud hanging over my head.
Satan whispering lies
- YOU ARE A FAKE!
- YOU ARE A PHONY!
- GIVE UP AND CALL IT QUITS!
I’ve said it before and I will say it again. You give Satan an inch, and he will take a mile.
See friends, I have been so distracted the last two-three weeks. I wanted to update my website. That did NOT go over well. I spent days upon days trying to fix it, and spent every waking moment on it until I got that accomplished.
I did NOT spend alone time with just Me and God. That should come first before anyone or anything. I’m NOT saying my Blog and Page isn’t a good tool to use for Jesus Christ, because it is. I just can’t let it consume ALL of me.
Next, I wanted to start working on a new Blog post, and BAM! This incident occurred! If you are living your life for Jesus Christ, we can be certain we WILL face opposition.
I’ve always been told this: If you are NOT being tested, then you should check to see if your faith is genuine
Know that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:7).
Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you. (1 Peter 4:12).
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:19).
Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. (2 Timothy 3:12).
Here’s the point I want to make
- Was this individual wrong in what they did? Yes
- Can it be undone? No
- Do they regret doing it? I sure hope so
- Do they need to pay for their actions? Yes
- Should others suffer for their mistake? No
- First and most importantly, I repented and asked God’s Forgiveness!
- Did I react poorly? Yes
- Can it be undone? No
- Do I regret speaking to them the way I did? Yes
- I have to make it right, and say I’m Sorry for speaking to them the way I did.
I was so hurt that I lashed out. The Holy Spirit convicted me. NOT for doing what I did, but the way I went about it!
It’s NOT because what they did was right, because it was NOT, it was definitely wrong. I spoke to this person very harshly, and I can’t live with that, and confess to be a Christian. My behavior did NOT reflect that, and for that I’m very ashamed.
My advice is this: Before you go reacting by your emotions, take the time to breathe, and calm down before you react, so you don’t live with the regret, shame and remorse later.
Sadly, the worst part of this whole scenario, was having to go do the “RIGHT THING!” The “RIGHT THING” can be “HARDEST THING” to do. Especially when you have to hurt someone, you love more than your own life.
Christians have to be forgiving. That doesn’t mean you have condone or agree with their actions. We are simply called to Forgive.
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:21-22).
Your Sister in Christ
Hey Friends. Thank you for taking time out of your day, to spend a few moments in mine. As a follower of Jesus Christ, it’s important to me to share the gospel with you. I write about my ups and downs, my struggles and insecurities, but above all else, I share how God brings me through it all. Let’s continue our walk with Christ together.