Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25).
This is a topic I do NOT like to discuss, or want to remember. As a matter of fact, to this day I avoid confrontation of ANY kind. It makes me so nervous.
This was my life for almost 15 years. I met my first husband at Church, and I truly thought he was a good Christian man. Let’s just say that I was deceived. I will admit, that he could be a loving husband, when he wasn’t full of anger.
It’s not like I had broken bones, or anything like that, but it was still, a very unhealthy marriage.
To this day he will not admit that his behavior was wrong. It took me a long time to forgive him, and that was only by the grace of God, working in my heart. However, Forgiving and Forgetting are two VERY different things.
I know once Jesus forgives you he remembers it no more. I also know I’m suppose to do the same, but I find forgetting rather difficult. My sincere hope is he repents, and rekindles a relationship with Jesus Christ again.
I’m sharing my experience and input, so you will have an inside point of view to follow. Abusers will often quote Scripture, to justify themselves, and their wrong doing. But their behavior does not line up, with the core message of the Bible, which is LOVE.
The Bible describes Love as patient, kind, protective, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not ill-mannered or selfish. Clearly not abusive. The sad part is, they truly feel their behavior isn’t wrong. There are many signs of an abusive relationship.
The sign most common is fear. You walk on eggshells all the time, cause you’re afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, that will escalate their temper.
Ask yourself these questions. Do you see these warning signs in your relationship?
- Feel afraid of your spouse much of the time?
- Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your spouse?
- Feel that you can’t do anything right for your spouse?
- Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
- Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
- Feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Does your Spouse:
- Humiliate or yell at you?
- Criticize you and put you down?
- Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
- Ignore or put down your opinions?
- Blame you for their own abusive behavior?
- See you as property, rather than as a person?
- Call you all kinds of nasty names?
Does your Spouse:
- Have a bad and unpredictable temper?
- Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
- Threaten to take your children away or harm them?
- Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
- Force you to have sex?
- Destroy your belongings?
Does your Spouse:
- Act excessively jealous and possessive?
- Control where you go or what you do?
- Keep you from seeing your friends or family?
- Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
- Constantly check up on you?
This list sums up the biggest majority, of what life was like for me. I never thought I would’ve found myself, in this kind of position. It’s not something you dream about as a young woman. I was Christian at the time.
I thought I was doing all the right things. I was even a virgin when I got married, and even back in 1985, that was unheard of, in girls my age. I was so young, naive, and completely vulnerable. I was brought up that divorce is wrong, and I didn’t want to break the vow, I took before the Lord.
I tried to make my marriage work, for a very long time. I’m not going to share details, that isn’t the point of this article. This also isn’t to put shame or belittle my first husband in any way. He is the father of my children, and I hope he knows, I hold no grudges now.
I’m writing this particular post, to bring awareness to others, in the hope it may help someone else. Domestic Violence is something most don’t want to get involved in. It gets swept under the rug, leaving the women to feel, they have no one to turn to.
I have had many say to me…Why did you stay in that type of situation for so long? I would never stay with someone who treated me that way! You’re Crazy, you should have just walked away! I will inform you. Unless you have been, in this type of relationship, you have NO IDEA what it’s like.
You don’t know the shame, remorse, and fear. The abuse has likely went on, a long time. Another is they have you so beaten down, you are left with no self-esteem whatsoever. You start believing the lies. If children are involved, that’s another issue, because they get used as pawns.
Women who have suffered domestic violence want safety, security, and healing. But the only one who can bring these things is God. Without him you will not have peace. Trust me I tried to find it without him, and it didn’t work. I went the other route.
During this time span, I turned my back on God. I was beyond angry at him. I thought I was being punished, in some way, to receive the life I had been dealt. I want you to know there is Hope. You will see a light at the end of the tunnel. If you lay all the hurt at the feet of Jesus, he will comfort you in his loving arms.
I want you to realize, there are no excuses for violence and abusive behavior. For someone to say. ” I did it because she made me do it,” is a lie straight from Satan’s lips. Seek help and get protection from someone who is harming you.
If someone is abused mentally, verbally, sexually, or physically, it is never their fault, nor is it ever justified. Biblical submission does not include having to take abuse in any form. Ultimately, God will be your deliverer.
You can receive the happiness and the life you deserve. I will tell you how I know this to be true. My husband now Mike, is the definition of a Godly husband. He treats me better than I deserve.
I am by no means encouraging anyone to leave your husband. Unless your husband will admit to himself he has a problem, he will NOT change, it will only get worse. I STRONGLY suggest that if both are willing, to seek counsel from a Pastor or a Christian friend you can trust, before going that route.
If you feel the only choice you have for your safety is to leave…..I want to leave this post with a hotline, if you’re seeking help to leave the harmful situation you find yourself in. This is the number to contact 1−800−799−7233.
Your Sister in Christ,
Hey Friends. Thank you for taking time out of your day, to spend a few moments in mine. As a follower of Jesus Christ, it’s important to me to share the gospel with you. I write about my ups and downs, my struggles and insecurities, but above all else, I share how God brings me through it all. Let’s continue our walk with Christ together.