For my iniquities have gone over my head, like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me. (Psalms 38:4).
Do you wrestle with guilt, as much as I do?
Especially when it comes, to the horrible mistakes, that you’ve made in life, that has affected others as well.
Surely I’m not the only one who wrestles with this, am I?
Oh and don’t forget that Satan knows, EXACTLY when to remind you, of said mistakes.
It makes you feel like, you have this huge weight, baring down on you, that consumes you, doesn’t it?
I have so much guilt that floods my thoughts at times, that it makes it difficult, to close my eyes and go to sleep.
Then I feel guilty, for even allowing these thoughts to consume me.
I am a daughter of the king.
He remembers my inequities no more when I chose to follow him.
Why do we find it so hard, to forgive ourselves, when Christ freely forgives us.
I want to be completely transparent, and confess to you, some of the guilt, that plagues me.
Guilt for not being a wife, my husband deserves
I know that’s crazy talk, but I can’t help it at times.
I feel like my health issues, are keeping us from doing the things, we used to do together.
Any kind of motion makes me sick with my Meniere’s, which leaves out amusement parks, that we enjoyed doing together.
I can’t put my head under water, without my left ear filling up, with exceeded pressure, which leaves out swimming, and going in the ocean.
I stay tired ALL the time.
As soon as I get in from work, I’m so drained, that I don’t want to go anywhere, and do anything afterward.
We don’t even want to discuss curvy roads.
It’s hard with all my Auto Immune Disorders.
I feel like I should receive the WORST WIFE EVER AWARD at times.
Guilt for not being a better Mama, that my children deserved
If you have watched my God at Work video, you already know, that I was in an abusive marriage, for almost 15 years.
I blame myself, for not leaving that situation, sooner than I did.
I wasn’t the only one affected by it.
My children were too.
They witnessed way more violence than any child should have.
I let my fear, keep me chained, and bound down, to the point, I thought I was protecting my children, by staying, rather than leaving.
In the long run, it did the opposite.
My daughter to this day gets nervous around crowds and wants to stay isolated.
My son has turned to alcohol and drugs, that has left him making horrible decisions.
He won’t even talk to me, at the moment, because I won’t give him money, or whatever he’s calling for, because I know what he will do with it, and I can’t enable him.
WORST MAMA EVER AWARD at times.
Guilt for not being a better daughter and sister, that my Mama, brothers, and sister deserves
When I decided to marry my first husband, my family was NOT happy, and that’s putting it mildly.
My Mama came into my room one night, and said if I decided to marry him, she would not be able to look at me, and told me I had to leave her home.
She gave me the reason why of course.
She stated the Lord showed her, what kind of life I would have with him.
I was crushed.
I wasn’t a bad daughter. I was still a virgin, for crying out loud.
I couldn’t understand.
I went through with the marriage, even though none of my immediate family were there.
Needless to say, there were many years, having a strained relationship, with my family.
We didn’t have much of a relationship, for quite some time.
WORST DAUGHTER/SISTER AWARD AT TIMES.
Guilt for not being a better friend, that my friends deserve
I don’t get to spend, as much time as I would like, with my friends anymore.
I feel like I’m letting them down, and I’m just a huge disappointment to them.
Same issues that I have with my health, applies here as well.
Did I mention that I don’t call them, like hardly EVER? That’s just wrong.
The problem is, I hate talking on the phone.
Since 2010, when my health started declining,
I have lost major hearing.
It’s enough that I avoid the phone like it has the plague.
People get tired, of having to repeat, what they say, over and over.
I also have to ask, if people have pets, due to my allergies, before going anywhere. EVERYONE has pets nowadays.
I feel like I’m nothing more than a burden.
In my heart, I know better than that, but try telling that, to this thick-headed brain, is another story.
I have even found me, comparing myself, to their other friends.
How WRONG is that?
WORST FRIEND EVER AWARD AT TIMES.
Here is the good news for you and for me
All the guilt we wrestle with so much isn’t our burden to carry anymore, once we give our lives to Christ.
We are to lay our burdens, at the foot of the cross, and leave them there. We keep ourself shackled to guilt, mistakes etc….that aren’t ours to carry anymore.
We aren’t supposed to try and play God, and keep picking them up again and again.
We are to trust Jesus at his word.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30).
Condemnation No More for you and for me
God is a GOOD GOOD FATHER.
He isn’t going to keep reminding us, over and over again, of all our sins, and all our mistakes, we have made, in our past.
We beat OURSELF up enough.
See my Friends, when we come to God, with a surrendered heart, and present ourselves openly to him, we receive his forgiveness.
He doesn’t bring it up again, nor does he write it down, so to speak, to throw it in our face later.
He forgives it, and it’s gone.
There is therefore now, NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1).
Aren’t those the best words you can ever hear Y’all?
Our slate is wiped clean due to the righteousness of Jesus Christ.
When guilt tries to rear its ugly head in our minds, we need to remind ourselves, that we made mistakes.
And we will continue to do so, this side of eternity.
We are human, and we are flawed, and we are far from Perfect.
The best part is, we will still be loved unconditionally by God
Our guilt can actually help us, where we are now.
It reminds us of where we were, and how far we have come.
It gives us a new perspective. We pick back up dust ourself off, and continue to be stronger.
I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13).
All things are possible with God. (Luke 1:37).
So the next time, those unwanted memories, start floating through your mind, remember that NOTHING is wasted in your life.
It’s a lesson that you have learned.
You can use your poor choice’s, in an inspiring way.
You can use them, to help others, overcome similar issues.
Be the one that is willing, to open themselves up, and show this broken world, that they too can have hope, and that hope is Jesus.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11).
I asked my sweet husband Mike, to read this, before I put it on my blog, as I do with all of them.
He is my proofreader you see and my biggest supporter.
I want to receive his confirmation, that I don’t sound like, some crazy person.
Mike in his loving, kind way, after reading it he says to me.
“It is good, but are you going to take your own advice?”
So this is my reminder too.
Your Sister in Christ
Hey Friends. Thank you for taking time out of your day, to spend a few moments in mine. As a follower of Jesus Christ, it’s important to me to share the gospel with you. I write about my ups and downs, my struggles and insecurities, but above all else, I share how God brings me through it all. Let’s continue our walk with Christ together.