Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6).
Friends, have you ever found yourself, in a situation, that caught you completely off guard? Very recently I found myself in this place. It was a moment, that brought back old fears and insecurities, like a crashing wave, pulling me under. I couldn’t breathe!
If you have read my personal testimony, you are well aware, that I was in an abusive marriage, for almost fifteen years of my life. That experience has left me broken and shattered, to a degree that affects me, to this day, in many ways.
For the most part, I deal with it quite well, or at least I thought I did. That is until I found myself unexpectedly, in a not so good scenario. I quickly found myself, cowering in the corner, trying my best, to keep from trembling, and falling apart. By the way, I Lost!
See Friends, I usually do WHATEVER I HAVE TO, to avoid confrontation, of ANY kind with ANYONE! Period! I hate it, because it brings back, too many unpleasant memories for me.
I pretty much keep to myself, to avoid it altogether. See Y’all, I am under the assumption, if I keep other’s at a distance, they will NOT have the ability, to physically harm me again..EVER!!
If I find myself around people, that are showing ANY signs, of becoming angry, aggressive, demanding, or confrontational, trust me, I get away as quickly as possible. It makes me extremely nervous.
I am NOT gonna give specifics, (so PLEASE respect that) by NOT asking for details. I will share, this much with you. I had an encounter recently, with an individual, that reminded me so much, of my ex-husband’s behavior pattern, that I was more than ready to bolt.
I have seen the anger, resentment, and raging behavior, almost instantly. The longer I was around this individual, anxiety crept it’s claw, into my whole being. I had to fight the fear, and get through it. It was NOT easy!! IT WAS HARD!! Memories had me locked in my past.
When I was finally alone, I was NOT in the best frame of mind, and that is an understatement! I’m ashamed to be admitting that, but it’s the truth. I’m a child of God, and I should have been stronger than that. What I should have done, was crying out to God, to take away the anxiety, that had its grip on me.
I should NOT have allowed, the fear in my mind, to replace the faith and assurance, that I have in my heart!! I let God down, by not calling on him, to fill me with his Peace!! I didn’t even think at the time, that God is my strong tower, the one whom I can cling to!! I couldn’t get past, what was in front of me!! I forgot that my strength is found in God…Not myself!!
I have NOT had, this type of fear and reaction, in quite some time. Maybe it was due to the fact, I have NOT had to worry, about this type of behavior, since leaving the abusive relationship I was in.
By the time I got alone, I couldn’t shake, what was happening, with me. My whole body was shaking and trembling, and I couldn’t get it to stop. I remember saying over and over again, I thought the individual, was going to hit or harm me.
A friend of mine was trying their best, to bring me back to reality. To be honest, I do NOT know how long, they had their hands, on my shoulders, while telling me, “Angie, look into my eyes, you’re safe now.” I WAS A MESS!
Could it have been a panic attack? I don’t know maybe. Possibly an anxiety attack? Again, I’m not sure.
I have the most loving, gentle, kind and compassionate, man in my life now. I do NOT fear him, because he’s NEVER given me a reason, to feel threatened by him, in any way, shape or fashion. I thank God for him! He knew who I needed, in my life, and sent him my way.
What’s so bad is this, many people witnessed my meltdown. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated. Do they think I’m crazy? Do they understand why I reacted, the way I did? Will they think less of me?
Why did I allow this, to affect me, the way it did Friends? I thought I was stronger than that! I love how the Holy Spirit works. Deep down in my heart, I already knew the answer.
- I tried to handle the situation, in my own strength.
- I allowed fear to hold me captive, instead of God’s peace.
- I didn’t call upon, the name of the Lord, who is my Strong tower first. I was frozen.
- I let pride get in the way, of allowing others to help me. I didn’t want to be seen as weak.
- I should have separated myself from it to start with.
If another issue like this arises, I know who I MUST turn to, first and foremost! My Redeemer! My Rock! My Fortress! That is God Almighty, and him alone Friends! I messed up BIG TIME! I need to be honest, with myself and you, and admit that.
I wanted to list some scriptures, to remind myself, where my hope, security, and strength, comes from. I hope it helps you as well.
Scriptures of Truth
- The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)
- Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? (Psalm 56:3-4)
- Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10).
- For I, the Lord your God will hold your right hand, Saying to you, Fear not, I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13).
- For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba Father.” (Romans 8:15).
- For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7).
- For He, Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5-6).
- Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. (John 14:27).
- Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all. (2 Thessalonians 3:16).
- Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. (Psalm 55:22).
God is the one whom we can always depend on, who will be there for us, no matter the situation. I would love to tell you, this will be the ONLY time, I let God down, but that is NOT true. Truth is, I let him down, on a daily basis, because I am NOT perfect, and I will make, one mistake after another.
Good news is, I have a savior, Jesus Christ, who took the penalty, that I deserve, so I can be made righteous, before God. THAT IS A PROMISE I CLING TO! He is my Strong Tower and may I seek him…More Than Anything
Your Sister in Christ
Welcome! My name is Angie and I’m all “about” sharing the unconditional Love, Hope, and Salvation, that is found in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! I’m just a nobody wanting to tell everybody about somebody…JESUS CHRIST! I write about my ups and downs, my struggles and insecurities, but above all else, I share how God brings me through it all. Let’s continue our walk with Christ together.