Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
Friends, have you ever found yourself in a situation that caught you completely off guard and you were consumed with Overwhelming Panic?
Very recently I found myself in this place.
It was a moment that brought back old fears and insecurities like a crashing wave pulling me under.
I couldn’t breathe!
If you have read my personal testimony you are well aware that I was in an abusive marriage for almost fifteen years of my life.
That experience has left me broken and shattered to a degree that affects me to this day in many ways.
For the most part, I deal with it quite well or at least I thought I did.
That is until I found myself unexpectedly in an Overwhelming Panic and not so good scenario.
I quickly found myself cowering in the corner trying my best to keep from trembling and falling apart.
By the way, I Lost!
See Friends I usually do WHATEVER I HAVE TO to avoid confrontation of ANY kind with ANYONE!
I hate it because it brings back too many unpleasant memories for me and pretty much keep to myself to avoid it altogether.
I believe I’m under the assumption if I keep others at a distance they will NOT have the ability to physically harm me again..EVER!!
If I find myself around people that are showing ANY signs of becoming angry, aggressive, demanding, or confrontational, trust me, I get away as quickly as possible.
It makes me extremely nervous and I’m NOT gonna give specifics (so PLEASE respect that) by NOT asking for details but I will share this much with you.
I had an encounter recently with an individual that reminded me so much of my ex-husband’s behavior pattern that I was more than ready to bolt.
I have seen the anger, resentment, and raging behavior, almost instantly.
The longer I was around this individual anxiety crept it’s claw, into my whole being.
I had to fight the fear and get through it.
It was NOT easy!!
IT WAS HARD!!
Memories had me locked in my past of Overwhelming Panic and Fear!
When I was finally alone I was NOT in the best frame of mind, and that is an understatement!
I’m ashamed to be admitting that but it’s the truth.
I’m a child of God and I should have been stronger than that and I should have prayed for God to remove the Overwhelming Panic that had me in its grip!
I should NOT have allowed the fear in my mind to replace the faith and assurance that I have in my heart and I let God down by not calling on him to fill me with his Peace!
I didn’t even think at the time that God is my strong tower the one whom I can cling to because I couldn’t get past what was in front of me!!
I have NOT had this type of fear and reaction in quite some time.
Maybe it was due to the fact I have NOT had to worry about this type of behavior since leaving the abusive relationship I was in.
As a result by the time I got alone I couldn’t shake what was happening with me.
My whole body was shaking and trembling and I couldn’t get it to stop.
I remember saying over and over again I thought the individual was going to hit or harm me.
A friend of mine was trying their best to bring me back to reality.
To be honest, I do NOT know how long they had their hands on my shoulders while telling me, “Angie, look into my eyes, you’re safe now.”
I WAS A MESS!
Could it have been a panic attack?
I don’t know maybe.
Possibly an anxiety attack?
Again, I’m not sure.
I have the most loving gentle kind and compassionate man in my life now and I do NOT fear him because he’s NEVER given me a reason to feel threatened by him in anyway shape or fashion and I thank God for him!
He knew who I needed in my life and sent him my way.
Furthermore, what’s so bad is this, many people witnessed my meltdown. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated. Do they think I’m crazy? Do they understand why I reacted, the way I did? Will they think less of me?
Why did I allow this, to affect me, the way it did Friends? I thought I was stronger than that! I love how the Holy Spirit works. Deep down in my heart, I already knew the answer.
I tried to handle the situation, in my own strength and allowed fear to hold me captive instead of God’s peace.
I didn’t call upon the name of the Lord who is my Strong tower first because I was frozen in Fear and I let pride get in the way of allowing others to help me because I didn’t want to be seen as weak and I should have separated myself from it to start with.
If another issue like this arises I know who I MUST turn to first and foremost!
My Redeemer, My Rock, My Fortress!
That is God Almighty and him alone Friends!
I messed up BIG TIME and I need to be honest with myself and you and admit that.
Scriptures of Truth
The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
For I, the Lord your God will hold your right hand, Saying to you, Fear not, I will help you. Isaiah 41:13
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba Father.” Romans 8:15
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
For He, Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13:5-6
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27
Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all. 2 Thessalonians 3:16
Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22
God is the one whom we can always depend on who will be there for us no matter the situation.
As a matter of fact, I would love to tell you this will be the ONLY time I let God down but that is NOT true.
Truth is, I let him down on a daily basis because I am NOT perfect and I will make one mistake after another.
Above all the good news is I have a savior Jesus Christ who took the penalty that I deserve so I can be made righteous before God.
THAT IS A PROMISE I CLING TO!
He is my Strong Tower and may I seek him…More Than Anything
My name is Angie and I’m all “about” sharing the unconditional Love, Hope, Restoration, and Salvation, that is found in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I write about where my life was before accepting Christ Jesus as my Savior and my journey now as I walk with Him daily. Thank You so much for taking time out of your day to spend a few moments in mine. If you found this post encouraging can I ask you to Please share it with someone else who may need to read it as well? You can share via the buttons below.