Have you experienced the loss of a child? This is something I wouldn’t want for anyone, especially a baby. Here you find a personal reflection and dedication of heartbreak, loss, and healing of my first grandchild due to SIDS.
If you have suffered the loss of a child, have you found yourself asking these questions:
- Why God?
- Why did YOU allow this to happen to us?
- What did we do that was so bad to deserve this?
The answer is I am certain we all have, at one point or another in our lifetime, if we are honest. I want to share with you a time my world completely shattered.
First and foremost, I’m sharing Tyler’s story with you to honor his memory. Secondly, I want to go over the challenges we faced over his loss and how we’re able to view his loss differently now, which was a long road.
Loss of a child: Tyler’s Dedication
See this beautiful boy?
You can’t help but fall in love with his smile right? His name is Tyler and he is our first grandchild. As you can see from this photo he’s laughing, happy, and healthy. He is 4 1/2 months old in this photo.
MAMAW’S FAVORITE MEMORY
I was leaning over him and was jostling the bed a little, and he thought that was the funniest thing EVER. Can’t you tell by his wide-open grin?
I live in North Carolina, and my family lives in Kentucky. It’s about a five-hour drive, so it’s not so bad.
We went to visit our first little bundle of Joy, a third time, and I can’t put into words, how this trip was different from the other two.
GODS PREPARATION FOR THE LOSS OF A CHILD
Looking back on it now, I believe God was showing me love and mercy even then and was preparing me for what was to come.
As my husband and I, were fixing to leave to head back home to NC, I went to Tyler up out of his stroller, in the photo you see on the right when I had a wave of sorrow overtake me.
HOW DO YOU COPE WITH AN UNKNOWN FEELING?
I was hugging Tyler so hard, and peppering him with kisses, even as the tears ran down my cheeks.
My behavior caused all of my family to start crying also, but I couldn’t help it.
Finally, my daughter says to me, “My goodness Mom, what is wrong with you?” It’s not like you’re never going to see him again.
I didn’t want to let him go, but I did so, rather reluctantly. We hugged my daughter and her husband goodbye and walked away.
AS WE WERE LEAVING, I TOLD MY HUSBAND, SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG!
BE SURE TO PIN ME FOR LATER
I want to leave this next part out of Tyler’s story, but when you get that nudge from the Holy Spirit, you’d best heed to the warning.
I wasn’t living for God at this point in my life because I had turned my back on him long before this incident.
SOMBER DRIVE BACK HOME
In all honesty, I let too many situations and circumstances get in the way. Ashamed as I am to admit that. Yet I believe with all I am, that God was warning me.
At the time I didn’t “get it.” I was far from God to connect with him about this. Our drive back to North Carolina was a somber one. We didn’t talk much cause we were struck with a feeling we didn’t understand.
As your reading this, I’m certain you know what I am about to tell you, beforehand. You see, when my daughter told me, “it’s not like you’re not going to see him again”. I didn’t get the opportunity to see Tyler again.
WHEN YOUR CHILD DIES SUDDENLY
That was the last time. It was four days later, when we got the call, that my Grandson suddenly passed away due to SIDS.
BITTERNESS OVER THE LOSS OF A CHILD
I put all the blame on God and I told him I don’t want anything to do with you EVER AGAIN!
It wasn’t right or fair in my eyes. I even went as far as to say he took Tyler from us as punishment for me turning back on him.
Can you believe that? To this day I am so ashamed of my behavior, not just in this instance but many others.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT THE LOSS OF A CHILD?
Reality is, life doesn’t always work out the way WE want it to. God’s ways are not our ways and his ways are better than our ways.
My point in sharing this is. Instead of looking to God as my source of strength to see me through this, I pushed him away even further than I already had. I didn’t want God’s name brought up around me for the longest time.
BITTERNESS TOWARDS GOD
Being mad at God, angry and full of bitterness is something I’d recommend against.
Trust me, friend, I learned the way. Instead of thanking God, for giving me what time with Tyler he did, I was too furious with him, for not giving me more time with him.
I know we aren’t supposed to question God’s judgment, but I can tell you now, that I did that and then some. Now I see how wrong I was for doing so.
THE LOSS OF A CHILD IS A LONG ROAD TO HEALING
I was in so much pain, I took the easier road, or at least what I thought was. I want you to know, if you find yourself in a similar situation, allow yourself to grieve, but don’t let it make you become bitter the way I did.
Turn to your Heavenly Father to see you through it. You will get past it. I’m not going to lie and tell you it isn’t going to still hurt, because it will.
ASSURANCE OF HEAVEN
However, you can have the assurance knowing that you’ll be reunited again in Heaven if you accept Jesus as Lord and Savior in your life.
THANKFUL FOR GRACE
The way I acted towards God, I’m surprised he didn’t just say, “You know what Angie, I’m done chasing you!” Aren’t you thankful for God’s grace, even though we don’t deserve it?
HOW TO overcome THE LOSS OF A child (in our case), baby
In all honesty, in my opinion, the only way you can overcome the loss of a child and find peace is knowing your child is in Heaven.
That being said, nothing can make the pain disappear. Grief in response to this type of loss is normal and understandable, so loved ones should not try to rush the grieving process or encourage parents to “move on.”
Below are ways to help someone who has lost a baby:
- Please, encourage them to talk about the baby. Acknowledge the loss and don’t hide from it. Talk about the baby using their name and keep pictures up.
- Talk about the baby especially the baby’s birthday and holidays.
- Celebrate the baby’s life and find a way to honor their memory. For instance, donate to a charity using the baby’s name.
- Talk about the baby’s smile or gentle demeanor.
- Never tell your loved ones another baby will replace the loss.
- Offer to bring meals or possibly clean their homes. These will last things on their minds.
- Encourage loved ones to talk honor the baby’s memory. I realize for some this is hard to do. Everyone reacts to the loss of loved ones differently.
- Consider helping your loved one find a support group to join. Being with others who have faced a similar loss can be comforting.
A dedication: Loss of a Child
If you are needing help and want to talk to someone who has been through it, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I will do everything I can for you.
More importantly, God is there for you. God was there for me too, but I chose to rebuke it
Don’t make my mistake, that is the point of sharing this dedication on Overcoming the Loss of a Child.
Honoring my little baby boy in this way means the world to me. For now, I know God is taking care of him and has him wrapped in his tender loving and caring arms. I long for the day I will be reunited with Tyler.
In Loving Memory of Tyler Quentin Huddleston