O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. (Psalm 139:1-5).
God also knows our hearts, the decisions we make, and the motives behind ALL things, we say and do. Nothing catches him off guard, nor does it surprise him? Period!
I have often said this:
A faith that isn’t tested, is a faith that can not be trusted. For every choice we make, has a consequence, that we alone have to live with.
Friends, God alone knows the struggles, you and I are facing today. He cares what we’re going through. However, we also have an adversary, that knows them as well….Satan
Y’all, my life hasn’t been easy. I’ve had my share of heartaches and pain, and I’ve made some very poor choices. I must admit that I’ve waved my white flag, and I’ve taken the easy road, when life has gotten too hard for me, numerous times to count.
I hate confessing that, but it’s truth!
Growing up my parents were divorced, when I was very young. My Daddy wasn’t around much, at that time in my life. I was left not having a strong father figure, to guide and direct me. That being said, my Mama did a wonderful job raising us girls.
My Mama remarried eventually, and my step Dad did the best he could, but it was difficult and challenging at times. An incident happened between he and I, and instead of trying to work through it, I took the easy road, and left home for a while. I didn’t know how to deal with this issue. So I fled as fast as I could.
It was easier!
My Daddy was living in North Carolina, and he had numerous health problems. I moved to NC myself in 1999. The bond between us blossomed, into the kind of father/daughter relationship, I always dreamed of having.
We had grown very close, so when he passed away in 2008, I was devastated. I miss him so very much, but I’m thankful he’s no longer suffering. He’s now in Heaven, and I can’t think of anywhere else, that I’d rather he be.
I am quite envious actually.
When we’re young, we think we know it ALL, don’t we? I refer to it, as being young, dumb, and stupid. I know that’s NOT, the best choice of words to use, but it’s more of a figure of speech.
I accepted Jesus Christ, as my Lord and Savior at eighteen. I was on fire for God. I led choir at Church, and wrote a ton of amazing songs, that was gifted to me from God. The words flowed easily.
I was saying, “God, you are so good! Nothing or no one, will EVER come between us!”
I only dated four guys, and I was a virgin, when I got married. I know that’s a little TMI. I met my first husband at Church, and I thought he was to be, my partner for life. He ran the sound system at Church, and I was giving God thanks, for putting him in my life.
My bubble got busted real quick.
I was brought up marriage is a lifetime commitment. I was painted one picture, and it ended up being, something totally different. My Mama told me, she did NOT want me to get married, because she knew the kind of life, I would have.
Did I listen to Mama’s advice? NO!
Angie, went her own way. I ended up spending fifteen years, in an abusive marriage, that broke me. In ways it still affects me to this day. Needless to Say, this caused a huge divide, between my Mama and I for years, for numerous reasons.
The more “I” tried to mend the relationship, the worse it became. He didn’t want me seeing my Mama, nor did he want me taking my children there.
Can you guess what happened?
Yep, I walked away from the God I loved and served, because living for God was becoming too hard. The circumstances that was “my life” made me NOT want to live it all. Sad, but true. I took a whole bottle of pills, because I didn’t want to live it anymore.
Thank God for his loving mercy towards me! He saved me from myself!
I would feel God calling me back to himself, and I would go back….Until it got too hard….Again, again, and again!
My husband Mike and I got married in 2003. We started visiting Churches, because we both felt something missing, from our lives and marriage. We never made a commitment to any one Church, because we didn’t find one, we were both comfortable with, but kept trying.
Me most of all, missed the connection to God.
In 2005, along came our first grandchild, Tyler. Mike and I both, were left in awe, of the love, we felt for him.
You see where this is going….AGAIN!
If you’ve read my dedication page to Tyler, you already know, we lost Tyler to SIDS, at 4 1/2 months old. I was angry at God for the longest time, and I was thinking to myself, WHY do I keep putting myself out there, just to be slammed….Again, again and again! ENOUGH!
Friends, when you are a son and daughter, of the most high God, he does NOT stop chasing you. I am so Thankful for that!
I can now tell you, that Mike and I both, are living our lives, for Jesus Christ since 2013, with no backing down! We have hosted our Lifegroup for about two years. Since January or so, we have been leading. God has been good to us, and he is faithful.
You’re probably wanting to ask this question: Angie, it seems like you have your priorities, where they should be, where are you going with this?
I thought nothing would EVER be harder, than losing Tyler, but I was wrong!
I’m sharing what’s on my heart with you, without giving details, due to personal privacy. I don’t do that. I share MY struggles with YOU, so that it may help YOU, if you find yourself in a flee or fight season.
Do NOT walk away from God! No matter how hard the situation, may look at the moment. Stand Firm! Hold Fast! Don’t take the cowardly way out, like I did for far to many years! You will live with the regret, and the remorse that I have carried!
Trust me, You don’t want to live with that! I will stand before God one day, and have to account for doing that.
Time and Time again, I walked away from God, because my circumstances were to hard to bare. I wasn’t in a strong enough place, with my Heavenly Father, to say this….I CHOOSE YOU GOD! No matter what comes my way! I WILL NOT WALK AWAY FROM YOU AGAIN!!
Satan, is attacking harder than ever friends.
If it’s not one thing it’s two, three, four…..etc
The Devil is attacking my mind, and whispering these words in my ears, over and over again.
IF GOD LOVED YOU HE”D MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY!
IT”S ONLY GOING TO GET HARDER!
TAKE THE EASY ROAD!
FLEE! FLEE! FLEE!
The war your throwing my way, will NOT make me, walk away from MY God! Not now! Not Ever Again! I am stronger in my faith, right now at this very moment, than I have EVER been!
Do I like it? Absolutely NOT!
Is it painful? Absolutely YES!
Do I want a peaceful resolution? Absolutely YES!
I have no idea what you may be going through today, but rest assured there is one who does know…God. Like myself, we must lean on him, and allow him to help carry our burdens. We can’t do it in our strength…We need HIS!
Make the choice to NOT, give in to the easy way out. It may seem easier at the time, but take it from me….It’s NOT!
GOD ONLY KNOWS, what we ALL face! He IS there, to comfort YOU and Me!
Your Sister in Christ
Hey Friends. Thank you for taking time out of your day, to spend a few moments in mine. As a follower of Jesus Christ, it’s important to me to share the gospel with you. I write about my ups and downs, my struggles and insecurities, but above all else, I share how God brings me through it all. Let’s continue our walk with Christ together.