Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6). This verse sounds simple and straight forward doesn’t it Friends?
However, I’m going to make myself completely transparent. I find that I’m struggling, to believe this completely at times, with my mind, heart, and soul. It can be so difficult to say, I TRUST YOU completely God, when you don’t see your circumstances changing.
I wanna give you a little rundown. My ears have been bothering me, more so than usual lately. The past three weeks my left ear, which is the worst between the two, has been giving me a fit. Enough so that it’s been keeping me from sleeping.
My left ear is the one I’ve had about eight injections in, due to Meniere’s and Vestibular issues. I have constant pressure, ringing, and roaring, that NEVER goes away, EVER! I was told I’d get use to it, and I wouldn’t even notice those things after a while. It’s been eight years, and trust me, I haven’t gotten use it!
However, for a while now, I’ve been having pain, that I’ve never felt before. It feels like I’m being stabbed repeatedly over and over. It isn’t constant thank God, but it brings me to tears, which is rare for me, because I have a very high pain tolerance.
I had one of my PA’s where I work at, to see how it looked. They suggested that I should see my ENT Specialist. I made an appointment with my PCP instead, because I figured I would just need antibiotics, and didn’t want to drive an hour away.
When I seen her she told me BOTH ears were highly inflamed, red and infected. She also said that I have a red abnormal growth, that shouldn’t be there. I told her it was probably just scar tissue from the injections, hopefully that’s the case. She gave me three different antibiotics, and an anti-inflammatory also, that I’ve been taking since then.
My husband and I decided, we wanted to take our grandson Gavin, to the zoo this past weekend. The pure innocent joy that I witness on his face, makes me so happy, as it does with ALL of my grandchildren. I know what you’re thinking…”What’s the problem then Angie?”
I’m already having this issue with my ears, and if you’ve read my health journey, you are aware I have major allergies. I’m highly allergic to animals. Let me state the obvious. A zoo is full of animals. I’m also allergic to grass, trees, and pollen. Yep, those things surrounds a zoo also.
By the time we got halfway through the zoo, I started sneezing my head off, and I was struggling to breathe. Underneath my eyes were black, and looked like my bags had bags on top of each other. It wasn’t pretty y’all. Trust me, I have pictures as proof, and No I’m NOT sharing them.
Friends, the thing is, I didn’t want to let my family down, especially when they’re having so much fun. I didn’t want to be Debbie downer, and ask if we could leave. In all honesty, I feel like I’m keeping them from enjoying, the activities they love already. I do NOT want to do that.
Let me tell you something. I started questioning God…Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t it be different? Will I ever get to enjoy things the way I use to? Take it away Lord, so I can be “normal” and do “normal” things with my family? What are you trying to teach me? Haven’t I learned all you want me to by now?
The thing is, God NEVER promised us we would have an easy life. He did promise that he would be with us through it all. Trust me, if you give Satan an inch, he will take a mile. Satan being the deceiver he is, started flooding my mind with doubts, and all kinds of false thinking.
It started slowly and then it got louder and louder. IF God loves you, He would take ALL of your pain and suffering away. HE DOESN’T LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU, OR ELSE HE WOULD, AND NOT JUST THE EAR ISSUE, BUT ALL OF IT! BUT HE HASN’T HAS HE! Repeat! Repeat! Repeat!
Y’all, Satan loves and knows how to Prey on our vulnerabilities
It can be so draining, when people ask me how I’m doing. Most of the time my reply is, I’m doing Ok or I’m alright. I try to be a positive person, regardless of my circumstances. I don’t want to feel like I’m complaining, when I know for a fact, I could be having it much worse than I do.
My Church likes us to arrive, thirty minutes prior to worship service, so we can engage with our fellow brothers and sisters. They also like for us to find someone we may not recognize, and have them sit with us. It’s all about extending the same Love, that Jesus Christ has shown us.
However, I don’t won’t to go at that time. I want to arrive just a couple of minutes prior, that way I don’t have to discuss “How I am doing!” I know they mean well, it’s just easier to dodge it altogether. Even during service this weekend, a dear Sister and Friend asked me point-blank, “How are you doing?” I looked them in the eye, and replied I’m doing Ok. I think they saw right through that response, but they didn’t question me.
That is so NOT the right attitude. I know that, but WHY do I still allow myself to do so. If I can’t be honest with my fellow brothers and sisters, that’s a huge problem. We’re suppose to lift up and encourage one another, but instead I hide behind the facade, that all is well with me, instead of sharing how difficult it can be for me.
BUT, don’t you just love God’s timing. It’s never late and exactly when we need it the most.
My pastor did a sermon Sunday, that regardless of our circumstances, God is sovereign and he’s in control of ALL things. Nothing in our lives catches him off guard, nor does it surprise him. He sees the beginning, middle, and the end. God knows how we will react.
He allows things to come into our lives, to mold and form us, into the likeness of his son. We may not understand, agree, or like it necessarily, but he’s using these things for a reason. It can be used to change others, we aren’t even aware of. It also shows that our dependence is found in God. He wants his children to rely on him. Sadly, most often we run to other things, and other people for encouragement, instead of running to God.
I’ve heard many times, God will change your circumstances, so you are forced to change. You won’t move until God makes you move. I must agree with that, because it’s in those hardest of times, I’ve grown the most. I want to be able to say no matter my circumstance, It is well with me!
When I start to feel down and discouraged, I need to remind myself of these truths
- What little I go through, is NOTHING in comparison, to what Jesus Christ endured for me
- The Apostle Paul suffered tremendously, but he kept the faith knowing he would receive Heaven as his prize
- Job lost everything and endured great pain but it was for his good and God’s glory
We ALL have times when we’re feeling weak and defeated, the main thing to keep in mind, is NOT to stay there. Don’t be afraid to voice what you’re truly feeling. Don’t the play the…I am fine! I am Ok. I am alright! When that isn’t true.
First and foremost, run to your heavenly father, and share with him how you feel. He already knows anyway, but he longs for us to speak with him.
Secondly, don’t be afraid to share with your fellow brothers and sisters. Be honest that you’re struggling and need their help, to lift you up and Pray for you.
I will Pray for you and you can Pray for me too. That’s why I have this Blog. I want to be real, even when it’s hard, even when it hurts, and even if it shows I am far from perfect. That’s being real.
IN ALL THINGS
God is Sovereign! God is Good! God is OVER ALL THINGS, that comes my way!
Let this song speak Truth to you today Friends.
Your Sister in Christ
Father God, Please help us to see, that we need to rely on one another, when we’re feeling weak and weary. Help us know that it’s Ok to admit when we need help, instead of trying to carry that burden alone. In Jesus Name.
Hey Friends. Thank you for taking time out of your day, to spend a few moments in mine. As a follower of Jesus Christ, it’s important to me to share the gospel with you. I write about my ups and downs, my struggles and insecurities, but above all else, I share how God brings me through it all. Let’s continue our walk with Christ together.