Do you have a fixer personality where you want to help everyone, but can’t? Do you want to solve all the problems of the world? Here are 5 important questions to consider. Now, I can only answer for myself but I know without a doubt that I’m a fixer personality individual. Why? I want to help everyone that crosses my path.
That being said, having a fixer personality isn’t always a good thing though. I find myself in many circumstances shouting…”I can’t fix it, Lord! God, I’m doing my best to try and fix these situations and I don’t know what else to do?
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Fixer Personality: Overcoming the Need to Fix
Sweet friends, I say this all the time. I honestly feel God has given me too much compassion and heart for other people’s needs. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?
Seriously though, this is me pouring my heart out to you. As Christians, we must model the same Love and Compassion as Jesus Christ has shown to others.
You’re probably agreeing with my statement and thinking… What are you getting at Angie? The problem is this…”I” want to “fix” the problems of everyone I come into contact with!
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it can be when it consumes your energy not being able to do anything about the circumstances.
What is a fixer personality?
As I was doing research on the definition of a fixer personality I was stunned by what I found. I get told quite often that this is me. I’ve never even heard of the term until I went digging. Needless to say, it describes me to the tee.
The Fixer is a person who looks at something that’s broken and makes it their mission to not only repair it but to also enhance it. They see the potential in something or someone and they become obsessed with building it from the ground up.
A fixer is someone who feels best when helping others. When they see someone less fortunate than themselves, they immediately want to find a way to remedy that situation.
They have a keen sense of the unfairness in the world and strive to correct it. They volunteer to help others and are generally charitable people
My Fixer Personality Examples where I want to help but can’t in most cases
- Financial needs of everyone I come in contact with.
- Drug and alcohol addiction’s of countless people.
- Salvation I desperately long to happen for my family and friends.
- Countless patients in my care of cancer and blood disorders.
- Someone not wanting a relationship with me.
It’s so hard for me to see someone struggling with finances. Granted, I am far from being wealthy myself. But I see people every day that are just trying to meet daily needs such as food, utilities, job, and a way to get from point A to point B.
It’s hard to NOT help if I’m able to do so!
I have one of the most difficult jobs in my opinion. Chemotherapy isn’t cheap. When I see patients worrying about how they’re gonna pay for their care it really bothers me.
I read notes all the time that say they couldn’t pay their co-pay. They already have tough choices to make but when you see them juggling do I have my treatment and medicines or do I pay my rent and groceries.
It pulls on my heartstrings! I want to help all of them! My reality is I can’t. No matter how much I want to.
Overcoming the need to fix drug and alcohol addition
I’ve NEVER used a medication that hasn’t been prescribed to me first. Alcohol is something I haven’t tasted until I was in my mid-twenties and I don’t do it at all now.
It has never been an issue for me. In my personal opinion, it doesn’t change your problems and to me, it only makes them worse in the long run!
Doing either of these things may get your minds off your problems while intoxicated but once it’s out of your system…Your issues are still there. They do NOT magically go away. How is that helping?
However, I know many who can’t make it through a day without either. I have family members who struggle with this and can’t say what it’s like because I don’t know what it’s like to have that kind of struggle.
I see men and women lying on the streets carrying their only belongings on their backs and holding signs in their hands begging for something to eat.
It’s hard for me to fathom that people will go without their basic needs to feed other habits.
I also realize many find themselves in a hard place and they just want a helping hand in need to care. I want to help all of them! My reality is I can’t. No matter how much I want to.
overcoming the need to fix personal relationships with god
I have countless family and friends who do NOT have a personal relationship with my Lord and Savior and I want to walk up to them and shout what are you waiting for?
I’ve heard the expression once you hit rock bottom the only way you have left is up. I find that a true statement
IF you look up towards God! The truth is this friend we are NOT promised our next breath let alone tomorrow. Yet people live like they have all the time in the world.
They’ll say let me do this first then I will come to God. That’s a crutch. I want to see ALL my loved ones make it to Heaven. My problem is “I” try to “save” them.
Newsflash Angie, You can NOT save other people. God alone can do that. So jump off the pedestal you’re on. My job is to plant the seed and let God do the saving.
I want to share the gospel of Jesus Christ to others and convince them to open their hearts to receive God right there on the spot on my terms! My reality is I can’t do that. No matter how much I want to.
Overcoming the need to fix love
I want to be a friend to everyone. We all want to be liked, who doesn’t…right? The sad truth is we can’t force someone to like us. In many cases, you give and give yourself and do NOT receive anything back.
You go out of your way to be nice to others and you receive a cold shoulder in return. I can remember in school the times I wanted to be that “popular girl” but I was to shy to come out of my shell.
Now that I make known that I’m a born-again follower of Jesus Christ you’d think I had the plague. Non-followers tend to run the other way thinking you’re out to “fix” them, and they don’t see an issue with their lifestyle.
I believe the real problem is we make them uncomfortable. They start feeling convictions in their own life, therefore push us away. They don’t understand that we want them to feel the joy of knowing God personally.
I just want everyone to see Jesus Christ in me and come to know Him. The reality is not everyone will no matter how much I want them to.
How do you stop being a fixer personality?
Sweet friends, in all the suggestions I listed can you tell me how many “I” can control and “fix” in my own strength? That would be a BIG ZERO! Sure I can begin with the best intentions. God knows my heart and my motives, but it wouldn’t be enough.
give it to God
The truth is I do not compare with what God can do. Only God can “fix” people’s circumstances and change the heart of people. He can break the chains and set them free in all things. It doesn’t matter how big or small.
The problem lies in the fact that some people feel like they don’t need to be fixed. The sad truth is if they don’t want to seek help on their there’s nothing you or I can do.
The individual has to recognize first and foremost that they need help before a change can be made. You or I cannot do the actual work of changing someone even if they want you to. This is something they have to do on their own.
Be a Listener and not a doer
More often than not when someone feels they can come to you to share their “problems and/or issues” they know they can trust you. Don’t be quick to place judgment and/or offer a quick fix/way out. More than likely the individual is already feeling guilt and shame.
That being said, I tend to want to jump in and “fix it” or my version of what I think will “fix it.” However, I have learned the hard way that this isn’t fixing the issues. To be honest it makes the situations worse because then I am enabling the person to continue on the path they desperately need to get off of.
Assess the situation
Before you’re quick to jump in to help someone’s situation, stop, and assess the situation.
5 IMPORTANT QUESTIONS FOR A FIXER PERSONALITY TO ASK THEMSELVES:
- What choices have led to the problems at hand?
- Is this part of a larger problem…such as addiction or carelessness?
- Is the individual recognizing their personal role in the problem?
- Is this a problem they can fix on their own?
- Who is more motivated to “fix: the problem…the individual, or you?
Answering these questions is a must if you want to stop being a fixer personality type and to stop overcoming the need to fix…everything! Remember, when we take over responsibility for other people’s problems or emotions is depriving them of the chance to learn and grow from them.
The following video demonstrates how the Holy Spirit can set you free from all things! Only God can fix it! Not You or I! These young adults do an amazing job and its changing lives.
Bible verses for a fixer personality
Great is our Lord, and mighty in power; His understanding is infinite. Psalm 147:5
But Jesus looked at them and said to them, With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26
I know that You can do everything And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You. Job 42:2
In closing on Fixer Personality: Overcoming the Need to Fix
May we remember when things are spinning out of control we know who is in control and will “fix” things in his timing, not ours…God!
Now, this doesn’t mean we aren’t able to help those in need around us. We just need to know it’s not our job to fix everything and everyone. That job is too big for you and I so give it to the one who can “fix it”…Jesus Christ.
We can place our hope in God wholeheartedly that he will “fix it.” Don’t take “Angie’s” word alone for this. Read God’s word on what does the bible say about hope?
Be Sure to Read: