There is a time friend that I was at the end of my rope, and I want to make sure that never happens to you or anyone you know.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
This verse is a wonderful reminder of God’s grace isn’t it Friends?
To know that God delivers us from ALL of our afflictions is mind-blowing.
Do YOU believe that promise is for you today?
I believe it now, but there was a time when I felt it did NOT exist for me and that’s that truth.
Friends, it seems that God has placed within my heart, another hard topic for me.
The last Blog I did was on Tyler the first grandchild we had that we lost to SIDS at 4 1/2 months.
That one was extremely difficult for me to write about.
This next topic isn’t gonna be much easier!
I believe it’s safe to assume, that God is wanting to bring closure and healing, within my heart and soul.
I thought that I had dealt with these issues, and shut the door on them, but God has placed them, on my heart for a reason.
God knows us better than we know ourselves, doesn’t he?
I want you to understand that there was a time in my life, that I had given up ALL hope and was at the end of my rope.
I felt so desolate, empty, completely and utterly alone
These were some of the loneliness and darkest of times I have ever faced.
NO ONE was willing to support or help me and I truly believed no one would care if anything happened to me.
I was separated from my family due to the fact that I let fear keep me from them.
It was easier and caused less trouble with my ex-husband because EVERY TIME I’d bring up wanting to go see them accusations would start flying.
This is what I heard:
I was ONLY wanting to see them to tell them how I was treated and wanted their help in being able to leave my marriage.
Can you believe I was even accused of wanting my Stepdad? Really?
Let me tell you about one night in particular.
I was at my lowest of lows and to be honest I finally hit rock bottom and I was so beaten down.
The night I’m referring to was one of the worst fights my ex-husband and I EVER had.
Let me give you a few examples of what I endured on this particular night that led me to the end of my rope:
- spit on
- food was thrown on me
- hair yanked off from my head
- called every name you could possibly come up with.
I could list more that took place but this post isn’t about domestic violence and to be honest, I don’t like to put down another person no matter how bad it had been.
Simply put, he needs Jesus!
After all that had taken place however, on this particular night I was left feeling empty and I had NO HOPE for my life whatsoever.
To be blunt…..I DID NOT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!
If this is what my life was going to be like I wanted NO part of it anymore.
I had put up with so much and had so much done to me I couldn’t see any way out of it and I was at the end of my rope!
I HAD ENOUGH!
In my mind, I was doing the best thing by wanting the pain and suffering to end!
I couldn’t take it anymore!
Have you ever felt unworthy to be loved?
Everyone around me acted as though nothing had just transpired!
I can remember thinking I’d be better off dead!
So I did what I NEVER thought I’d EVER do.
I found a bottle of pain pills or muscle relaxers one I honestly can’t remember which and downed the ENTIRE bottle.
As I felt my heartbeat slowing to nearly nothing I could barely put one foot in front of the other.
I didn’t give a hoot about dying and where I would spend eternity.
ALL I wanted to do at that point was crawl under the bed covers and NOT wake up.
Even though I stopped living my life for God, I heard him speak to me.
YOU ARE MINE! “If you go to bed right now, you will NOT wake up!”
What stopped me when I was at the end of my rope:
I was almost to my bedroom door and I had a chill that shook me to my core.
It’s as if a force of its own propelled me out my front door.
Satan knows exactly when to pounce, doesn’t he?
He knew I was at my lowest point.
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly.
I discovered much later even though I wasn’t talking to my family at the time my Sweet Mama said she felt compelled to Pray for me.
It was on this specific day and time when she felt in her spirit it was a life or death situation for me.
She was ready to drive over and check on me but decided against it however she prayed and asked for God’s protection over me.
Now if that wasn’t the Holy Spirit working on my behalf I don’t know what else to call it.
Divine Intervention Stopped Satan’s Work
At this time in my life, I had severed my relationship with God and had turned my back on him and walked away.
I let situations and circumstances drive a wedge between us that I should’ve NEVER let happen.
BUT GOD…..Never once gave up on me nor did he EVER leave me. It’s situations like these that we can learn God’s love for us and how strong it is.
God saved ME from me that night and I know that with all my heart!
Do you want to hear the hardest and saddest part of that whole night?
I had two beautiful kids to live for and they needed me to continue being there for them but I couldn’t see past my own pain.
I didn’t care what I was doing or who I was leaving behind on this particular night.
You don’t understand how much it hurts admitting that to you but it’s me putting my vulnerability out there for you to see.
I only Pray that it may help someone else who may be going through a similar issue.
- DON’T DO IT!
- GET THE HELP YOU NEED!
- IT’S NOT WORTH IT!
- I Promise You!!!!
I can NOT stress enough, what an abusive situation does to you! No one should feel like they are at the end of their rope!
You start believing ALL the lies and are made to believe it’s all your fault.
The blame will be put squarely on your shoulders and you’ll be told that it’s your fault the way they are and act the way they do.
There are so many feelings that hold you captive and I have listed a few of them
- Loss of control
- Not feeling safe
- Physical symptoms
If you find that MY STORY is YOUR STORY, Please know you can get past it!
There is Hope for you!
Don’t allow Satan to convince you to do what I did.
It’s by God’s grace alone that I am still breathing today and I will keep sharing my Testimony with others.
I will tell people everywhere that Jesus Christ is THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE.
He will be there for you when no one else is!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! EVER!
No matter how bad things may look on the outside or how alone you may feel on the inside, God is there for you.
He was there for me too I just couldn’t see it or else I chose to ignore it.
Either way, don’t give up hope.
You have hope in a Savior you can turn to with ANY issue and EVERY problem that may come your way.
Suicide is NOT your way out!
We aren’t meant to carry the loads we try so hard to hang on to.
Jesus says for us to lay our burdens at his feet and let him carry them for us.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
If you find yourself at the end of your hope…turn to God. He will see you through it!
So if you or a loved one is struggling with suicidal thoughts and tendencies please get help and don’t try to face this on your own.
There are helpful ways to find healing from abuse and there are many people who will journey through this with you.
Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) at any time day or night 24/7, to talk to someone who understands.
Or go online at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org for more information and help.